Hopefully, within these few minutes, there will be call to my mobile, indicating that someone's on the way here to pick me up for a movie screening in about less than an hour. That person is of course coming after work, after a farewell dinner gathering for a colleague of his. Due to that, I've no need to squeezed my creative juices to whip up a dinner meal today. Taking advantage of that too, I fast, this evening.
My feelings are tugged two ways, whilst myself sits, waiting. A part of me is telling me there's nothing much to this. He's a working person and hence, it's natural to be not early, to not yet arrive. Yet another part of me, could not help but feel very, very disappointed. Love is to be unconditionally given, yet I cannot help but measure and compare at each and every action he is taking.
To be able to just attend the farewell dinner today, with such short notice given, had set my mind working overdrive. A call to him earlier confirmed that he managed to finish work an hour and half ago, about an hour earlier than of late. He had been coming back late for the past week or so, indirectly meant taking dinner together at nearly nine each time. In other words, I too had my dinner a tad later that I would prefer on those occasions. Late dinners are the enemy of staying slim, aren't they?
My selfish-self cannot but compare all these to today. Coincidence, maybe but it's damning. My brain went overdrive, as usual. Furthermore, I had thought today would be a date day, since he had said, that he would leave all work today so that we would have dinner together and then off to enjoy the night watching a movie. Canceling on me doesn't seemed to bother him at all. In fact, it seemed so natural.
I am still waiting for the call. However, deep in my cursing heart, I have the inkling he would forget to make this call, and instead, would just show up here, with about half hour to go to the start of the movie. It's not women's intuition, merely a rational guess upon reading into his habits for so long.
I may sound very pessimistic and very ungrateful. That busy someone is but taking me out for a movie. Even so, I feel that I definitely deserve better treatment from that someone. I really wonder now, why am I hanging on to this branch of my life. I am still waiting. Waiting. Waiting...
My feelings are tugged two ways, whilst myself sits, waiting. A part of me is telling me there's nothing much to this. He's a working person and hence, it's natural to be not early, to not yet arrive. Yet another part of me, could not help but feel very, very disappointed. Love is to be unconditionally given, yet I cannot help but measure and compare at each and every action he is taking.
To be able to just attend the farewell dinner today, with such short notice given, had set my mind working overdrive. A call to him earlier confirmed that he managed to finish work an hour and half ago, about an hour earlier than of late. He had been coming back late for the past week or so, indirectly meant taking dinner together at nearly nine each time. In other words, I too had my dinner a tad later that I would prefer on those occasions. Late dinners are the enemy of staying slim, aren't they?
My selfish-self cannot but compare all these to today. Coincidence, maybe but it's damning. My brain went overdrive, as usual. Furthermore, I had thought today would be a date day, since he had said, that he would leave all work today so that we would have dinner together and then off to enjoy the night watching a movie. Canceling on me doesn't seemed to bother him at all. In fact, it seemed so natural.
I am still waiting for the call. However, deep in my cursing heart, I have the inkling he would forget to make this call, and instead, would just show up here, with about half hour to go to the start of the movie. It's not women's intuition, merely a rational guess upon reading into his habits for so long.
I may sound very pessimistic and very ungrateful. That busy someone is but taking me out for a movie. Even so, I feel that I definitely deserve better treatment from that someone. I really wonder now, why am I hanging on to this branch of my life. I am still waiting. Waiting. Waiting...
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