role play

Life is about role-playing. Juggling the many roles that you hold, voluntarily or else, appropriate or otherwise. Today, I played the role of a good galpal. I bought things for my other half, to be given as presents, later this year. They were on sale, hence the wanting to be able to be nice, while not burning a hole in my already almost empty pocket. Interestingly, I felt more of responsibility rather than loving or caring. And the fact that I was aware of my feelings at that time, was even worse. I felt so detached when bought them. It was like buying a gift for a friend from a collection pooled together by a bunch of close friends. I was really sincere, but in a different way. I felt differently from the last time I bought something for him. The excitement, the predicted reaction, the imagined smile, all of those, were not present today. I am slightly afraid of this. Seems like this role is beginning to reduce me to an observer, not a participant. This is role is tiring and trying.