a live coal

Once, this week, I was dealt with a harsh truth. It never occurred to me, until I was told. A keen observer said, I do not inspire security to my partner with my current behaviour and antics. And that is perhaps, in response, whether on purpose or unconscious, why he acts the way he acts now.
It made me think. If what is he doing is in response to my behaviour, however unconscious, isn't that not a healthy communication? It's like retaliating, silently. To say that you are not aware of such, is but a form of not taking responsibility for your actions. Mine was of a conscious decision, after being dealt with what I deemed an unnecessarily vulgar intrusion to my privacy.
Isn't such behaviour the underlining cause to many failed marriages? To fight fire with fire, irrespective of the use of big, flaming hot fire, or slow, hot, live coal, it's just waiting for the other two ingredients to combust and burn. Family might be the oxygen and career ideals maybe the burning material. Whatever the proportions, it will burn.
Then, am I to blame? The catalyst to my behavior and ideals now, is partly due to his outrageously lazy and uncommitted ways towards me. I did not start the fire, I had wanted to distinguish the flame, the heat. Unfortunately, I think, a fire-starter was created in the process, instead. Big burning flame is easily detected, but a live coal, a cinder, is really hard to uncover amidst very flamable conditions.