for someone who truly loves another, she will be trusting everything of that person's. what will happen that if that very same person breaks the trust, motives asides? should she then continue her channeling her undivided devotion to that person?
this question played in my mind for so many moons, already. as much as i'm supposed to be a so-called better half of another, i'm not sure that i ever got to that stage of love. to be so much in love with a person, that you just want to be with them, no matter what the risks, the consequences, the battles and wars you have to face, the jeers and humiliations, and of course, the courage you have to endure. no kidding, sometimes, i felt strongly that very much incapable of feeling that deeply, in anything. everything's done more of a reactive behaviour, the notion that i have to be a responsible person, abiding all laws and rules deemed socially and culturally acceptable.
indirectly, this is the result of growing trying to please everyone around me. studying hard to get good results to please the parents, getting into the stream that socially i should be in, going what was deemed professional enough, working in what was deemed better than others, or not doing what that were deemed against the laws of social and moral conduct. simply, in short, letting myself to be cornered almost each and every turn in myself, to believing that i'm good, if i do this and that, just like i'm suppose to be. and that i should be doing just like that, to show my gratefulness and appreciation.
hence, borned was the girl so incapable of doing something wholeheartedly for fear of stomping the house down with self-imposed immoral and over-the-top behaviour. so how is she to let love conquer her, if she herself cannot show love undevotedly? how is she to be trusted, if she herself cannot be trusted? how is she to give love if she loath herself so much? god is great, hence please, light up the path to self-love.
this question played in my mind for so many moons, already. as much as i'm supposed to be a so-called better half of another, i'm not sure that i ever got to that stage of love. to be so much in love with a person, that you just want to be with them, no matter what the risks, the consequences, the battles and wars you have to face, the jeers and humiliations, and of course, the courage you have to endure. no kidding, sometimes, i felt strongly that very much incapable of feeling that deeply, in anything. everything's done more of a reactive behaviour, the notion that i have to be a responsible person, abiding all laws and rules deemed socially and culturally acceptable.
indirectly, this is the result of growing trying to please everyone around me. studying hard to get good results to please the parents, getting into the stream that socially i should be in, going what was deemed professional enough, working in what was deemed better than others, or not doing what that were deemed against the laws of social and moral conduct. simply, in short, letting myself to be cornered almost each and every turn in myself, to believing that i'm good, if i do this and that, just like i'm suppose to be. and that i should be doing just like that, to show my gratefulness and appreciation.
hence, borned was the girl so incapable of doing something wholeheartedly for fear of stomping the house down with self-imposed immoral and over-the-top behaviour. so how is she to let love conquer her, if she herself cannot show love undevotedly? how is she to be trusted, if she herself cannot be trusted? how is she to give love if she loath herself so much? god is great, hence please, light up the path to self-love.
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