Dear (My) PALM,
Good morning.
It's a dark morning, still and cool. Occasionally, the sounds of engines running the highway nearby cuts the silence of the morning. This is my reality, now. Today is the second day I'm up so early in the morning, after so long.
Today's going to be a good day, I can feel it. Apart from improved typing skills, my thoughts are more focus as well. I hope that these are signs that my cognitive level is slowly recovering, going back to normal state for more improvement. It's nice not to lose the one thing that makes us stay sane.
The last few days, while it has been a revelation of sorts, I noticed too, that writing was deserting me. All motors needed in this writings were like fused with each other. This massive system somehow got over liquidated with too much lubricant. Thinking was too much, too fast, too random for the fingers to catch and translate them to words for view. Yes, fingers too had slight of a problem. They went into delayed mode. Maybe the motors wanted a respite after a busy month or so. Perhaps. Perhaps.
Anyhow, this and that gone, time flies. Many things had been waited upon, had been done, had passed during the last few days. Yours truly really felt that if life were to end now, she wouldn't have such as big of regret if it had ended perhaps, say couple months back. The sheer massiveness of the last few days has been really an eye opener for her. Things didn't look that bleak to her, at all. Not so much gloom and murk and numbness as she had thought.
Perhaps the last few days could be described as being in a camp. Sharing camp. One perspective from a happily married lady with her cute, chubby child; another from a smart but stubborn member of the opposite sex, and with last sharing session coming from 3 very talented and insightful but growing beautiful cynics. No holds barred, as one personality might put it. Sharing has never been to welcomed.
Yes, it hit the right on the spot to say I (un)intentionally led myself into my own stalemate condition. It is only right then that I am the only one capable of bring me out of this deep shit. Many plans in my cunning minds, but my weaker will is the controller. Paraphrasing a very experienced lady's thoughts, to which I agree totally, planning is not difficult, but execution is really the main challenge. My challenge is to execute the hundreds of possibilities I've laid out for myself, in my head.
I've always been slow. Thinking things over in the head really takes time. Over the years, sometimes this even led to abandonment of ideas. Wonderful, necessary or just merely ideas. Everyday ideas. Which eventually developed into a habit of not doing, which progressed further to being complacent, which then moved up to the ultimate step of forgetting and just accepting things. Now, I don't want to be forgetful anymore. Being slow is fine, as long as I'm moving. Eventually, the tortoise too reached the end. I don't mind not beating the hare.
Out of habit, I love mornings, the calmness, coolness of things. I think it is still the most serene and uncontaminated part of each day. So good morning, once again. Enjoy it, fast or slow, it's a call all of us can only decide for our own, but don't forget to enjoy it. Do not just forget your dreams, or abandon them.
Thank you very much.
Yours truly,
jsb
Good morning.
It's a dark morning, still and cool. Occasionally, the sounds of engines running the highway nearby cuts the silence of the morning. This is my reality, now. Today is the second day I'm up so early in the morning, after so long.
Today's going to be a good day, I can feel it. Apart from improved typing skills, my thoughts are more focus as well. I hope that these are signs that my cognitive level is slowly recovering, going back to normal state for more improvement. It's nice not to lose the one thing that makes us stay sane.
The last few days, while it has been a revelation of sorts, I noticed too, that writing was deserting me. All motors needed in this writings were like fused with each other. This massive system somehow got over liquidated with too much lubricant. Thinking was too much, too fast, too random for the fingers to catch and translate them to words for view. Yes, fingers too had slight of a problem. They went into delayed mode. Maybe the motors wanted a respite after a busy month or so. Perhaps. Perhaps.
Anyhow, this and that gone, time flies. Many things had been waited upon, had been done, had passed during the last few days. Yours truly really felt that if life were to end now, she wouldn't have such as big of regret if it had ended perhaps, say couple months back. The sheer massiveness of the last few days has been really an eye opener for her. Things didn't look that bleak to her, at all. Not so much gloom and murk and numbness as she had thought.
Perhaps the last few days could be described as being in a camp. Sharing camp. One perspective from a happily married lady with her cute, chubby child; another from a smart but stubborn member of the opposite sex, and with last sharing session coming from 3 very talented and insightful but growing beautiful cynics. No holds barred, as one personality might put it. Sharing has never been to welcomed.
Yes, it hit the right on the spot to say I (un)intentionally led myself into my own stalemate condition. It is only right then that I am the only one capable of bring me out of this deep shit. Many plans in my cunning minds, but my weaker will is the controller. Paraphrasing a very experienced lady's thoughts, to which I agree totally, planning is not difficult, but execution is really the main challenge. My challenge is to execute the hundreds of possibilities I've laid out for myself, in my head.
I've always been slow. Thinking things over in the head really takes time. Over the years, sometimes this even led to abandonment of ideas. Wonderful, necessary or just merely ideas. Everyday ideas. Which eventually developed into a habit of not doing, which progressed further to being complacent, which then moved up to the ultimate step of forgetting and just accepting things. Now, I don't want to be forgetful anymore. Being slow is fine, as long as I'm moving. Eventually, the tortoise too reached the end. I don't mind not beating the hare.
Out of habit, I love mornings, the calmness, coolness of things. I think it is still the most serene and uncontaminated part of each day. So good morning, once again. Enjoy it, fast or slow, it's a call all of us can only decide for our own, but don't forget to enjoy it. Do not just forget your dreams, or abandon them.
Thank you very much.
Yours truly,
jsb
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