I am not performing

And suddenly, I am not performing.

I am not counting fishes, or not remembering enough of the counted fishes.

I am not PERFORMING!

I now know that..

traveler

A traveler is someone who travels.

His or her travels may not necessarily be frequent.

He or she may travel far and wide, or simply revisit the same place, over and over again.

But it is during these travels, that he or she is active.

Lights and sounds are answers to a questioning mind.

Each nook gives a tingle to his or her explorer's heart.

Blends, assimilates, understands, mingles, watches and learns.

My traveler sleeps and dreams...

understanding a book

If you were reading a book, and at every paragraph, there was at least a word that does not come under your pool of vocabulary, could you say that you understood the story?

Finishing up my last book, I had pondered this thought.

The author's field of vocabulary was certainly very vast, so huge that again and again, I came across numerous words which signaled a blank to my brain.

The unknown words were not only the same words, appearing again and again, but different words, heavily sprinkled all over the story.

I estimated, there were probably over five hundred of those words I didn't know their meaning.

Line by line, I read as the story unfolded before my eyes, as the genius of the author's mind was translated into words. Words I did not understand the meaning, I read over, trying my best to get purposes of the sentences, the objectives of the paragraphs, the heart of each chapters.

Sometimes, I had to reread them, occasionally stumbling over some lines. At those times, it was just simply difficult for me to comprehension what he was trying to convey. Too many new words, making it difficult to decipher the intention of the author. Other times, it was because of the theme of the story. Christianity. My knowledge on this subject, minuscule.

Miraculously, I managed to finish the book. Did I understand the story fully? Perhaps, the main theme. Would I look up on all the words new to me? No.

Will I pass a quiz on a this book, if there ever is one? Without a doubt, no.

So, then, can I say that I understood the book?

a logical thought

"Never marry someone you wouldn't mind divorcing"

Laid my eyes on the line above, not the exact quote here, but something similar, this afternoon when browsing through a book in a bookstore.

What do you think? A wise advice? Or a logical thought?

Might be the latter for if you think that wouldn't mind going through the messy process of a divorce, then surely, if things were not sweet enough or sour enough, you would have this step as one of your alternatives out of the marriage.

Think about it..

Wonder if I had applied in any of my decision-making moments...

Scales

Ooopps! I am growing scales!
No, I am not a fish or a mermaid, though that would be interesting. I have, in this week, started to swim again.

I am not fibbing. By right, I should have started this activity last week, but the lazy gene got the better of me. Furthermore, Veronica Mars was a tad too interesting to stop viewing and with my tummy giving me a little more than I bargained, I hid myself in this hole for a week.

Today was my third time swimming. Like the previous sessions, each lasted about half an hour to forty minutes. That meant that I had soaked this body in chlorine-mixed water for close to 2 hours this week. The result of this, I develop scales!

Okay, not literally. It's just that my skin got very dry. It didn't help that the weather has been dry too lately and that I dislike the smell of the skin lotion that I have.

Just hope that dry skin will not get drier and turn into scales. That would be horrible! And I would be freak!

Fruits, then to help me. Load on the Vitamin Cs and then pray hard.

Motivation

Motivation is a vital component if you want to succeed in work.
Many of the people that I know whom I regard as successful in their lives, professionally and also personally, display a certain degree of motivation.

Take for example, my current boss.
Boss is a she, a mother, a daughter, a student and a head. Those are only the titles that I am aware she is holding. Boss comes in at about 6++ each morning, earlier if she comes in without her husband and/or when's an important event. Boss goes back way after me, time unknown to me as I always try to go back on time. I am not sure how she juggles her time, but I am pretty sure than she must be doing something right, as so far, she is still occupying that chair, hairs intact and skin glowing.

Okay, perhaps that's not a very good example. Another individual whom I deem is a very motivated person is, none other than, my better half. This is one person, who, unscrutinized, looks like a person in need for more rein in his life. Yet, taking a look at his lifestyle, one cannot but wonder, he does what he needs to at the time that he has set. He wakes up with enough time to get ready. Back from office, he continues working, finishing up what he needs to do. Dinner and bath come, never fails. Minutes before dozing are spend keeping himself updated with the world outside. He never sacrifices his sleeping time, unnecessarily and still work gets done. Not bad, really.

These are some of the people, whom, if I have the capability, would love to dissect their brain and learn, what keeps them so motivated in accomplishing their work. The locomotive of their brain never seems to be out of steam, always moving ahead, plowing forward towards achieving their professional goal.

Me? I am always motivated, but always only to do the sweetest for my better half. Sigh..

Guilty for the bulge!

Evidence list :

23-11-09 : [B] Bread+chocolate spread&peanut butter&marjerin
[D] Fried rice
24-11-09 : [D] Toasted breads+meat patties
25-11-09 : [B] Rice+bitter gourd&meat
: [D] Maggi with (L)
26-11-09 : [B] Bread+chocolate spread&peanut butter&marjerin
[D] Porridge+Vege+mushroom&meat stuffing
27-11-09 : [B] Fried rice
[D] Porridge+Fried meat&diced taufu+vege
28-11-09 : [B] Rice+Vege+bitter gourd soup+wantons
30-11-09 : [B] Sardine sandwiches
[D] Spaghetti+wantons&cheese and mushroom sauce+asparagus+shredded omelet
01-12-09 : [B] Mini french toasts
02-12-09 : [D] Rice+Chicken stew of carrots&onions&mushrooms&garlic
03-12-09 : [B] Fried rice
[D] Rice+Steam asparagus&mushroom&meat stuffing+bittergourd soup+tofu&chicken meat
04-12-09 : [B] Sausages+potato wedges+asparagus
06-12-09 : [D] Grilling Party !!! Fish, Chicken meat, boiled cockles, salmons bits :)
07-12-09 : [B] Carrots&meat Porridge
[D] Rice+VegeKailan+Steamed Tofu&mince meat
08-12-09 : [B] Egg Omelet Sandwich
[D] Salmon Porridge

Grand Diamond is their home

Grand Diamond is their home!

That statement, at the time when I first heard it, I had thought, it was a little over the top. But now, I somewhat think it is true. This place is their home. It is us who are the invaders.

I have been in this apartment for a little over a week, to be exact, 9 days counting today. However, this is not the first time that I am here. This is my fourth time here, if my memory serves me well.

In all the four times that I was here, I have not once not seen the world's most hardworking creatures at work! They are just everywhere, all set and ready to get to work. If nothing attracts their interests, their nosiness is enough to drive me crazy.

I am the kind of people who just abhors these creepy crawlies, however hardworking they are. While I can tolerate them tracking down the floor by the sides of the walls, or hiking up the cupboards going to the ceiling, I absolutely have no mercy for those who cross the floors or climb up tables. I just cannot tolerate the sight of these little army marching towards my things or on and over my stuff.

The world is for all of us to live in. Peacefully together. I get the idea. I am a visitor here. I have been here only for 9 days, counting in today. They, and their colonies, have, perhaps lived here their entire lives. It might be that I am the trespasser here, creating more chaos in their already very intruded lives. After all, Grand Diamond is their home.

But how can I be patient when they even set their search team to get a taste of from my cup of unfinished plain water??!

Warning signals

I am still not in full good working condition. I am functioning well, though. I just got back from a marketing trip, spent about half an hour in front of the pool eating slices of watermelon while trying to relax in the windy, noisy city, and had just finished preparing dinner.

Shopping was alright, if I could just ignore the uncomfortable feeling I had in my stomach. I am not sure what was that about but certainly, I was really praying hard that I didn't have to ask the any of the personnels there for directions to the washroom. Luckily, god had mercy on me, I didn't have to.

Walking back, I was feeling a little better. Traffic was same as usual, with never ending jams, whistles blowing by the traffic conductors, cars honking, humans crawling all over the side walks. And of course, not forgetting, the fumes. Exhaust fumes from the tuk-tuk, cars, motorcycles, taxis, buses. It's just bad.

It would seem normal that I was sweating in such condition. I could feel the little beads of perspiration starting to gather all over my forehead. Walked, I did, avoiding tourists awed with the jams and wonderful roadside stalls, cursing when they took pit stops in the middle of narrow paths, jamming up the on-foot traffic behind them.

I had to make a stop to get a slice of melon before heading towards my hole. A moment later, shopping bag in one hand and another holding my watermelon, I headed towards the pool. I would just sit there, long enough to gather myself. There were people there, like me, trying to enjoy the evening breeze. I think they fared better than me. Sitting there, the head was a little fuzzy and the forehead was still perspiring. I was not dripping sweat, but yet I was not dry. I left when the noise from the crowd started to swell.

Something is just not right with me. I am not sure what that is. Right now, typing all these, long after preparing dinner, my forehead is still not dry, my eyes are feeling dry, my head's a little fuzzy, and my stomach is trying to signal something. Even my fingers are not feeling very strong, not even for typing.

These are the warning signals my body is trying to give me, but what about?

Let the world see you again..

Not feeling up the mark is certainly not an excuse to just lay around, wasting time between the sheets, all day long, for two days straight!

It is also not the reason to sit in front of this lappie, watching series and not doing the reading that you are suppose to do.

That is just abusing a condition that was handed down on you, knowing very well that it is something that you can overcome.

Please, while you lay here, moping around, staring into space, emptying your brains and in the process encouraging rust to form in the grey cells, the world still revolves, time still ticks on and before you know it, it's already the day before weekend hits.

Life still goes on, even if you are not feeling well.

Suggestion is, if it's not too much of a pain, waste not more time.

While there is no fresh air to inhale, get some of those muscles moving and also some of those grey cells activating.

Let the world see your pretty face again!

i love you

This article came with one of the many forwarded emails that I would receive from time to time. I thought that it is one that I should share around before it's too late...


Date with a Woman...

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

'What's wrong, are you well?' she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

'I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.'

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much...'

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.

When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited at the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said, as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear about our meeting.' We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favour,' I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life.

We talked so much that we missed the movie..

As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed.

'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me.

I love you, son.'

At that moment, I understood that importance of saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU!' and to give you loved ones the time that they deserved. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserved, because these things cannot be put off till 'some other time.'

thank you, tremendously

Where I am, I am keeping my one desired project on-hold. I have a plan to get all the messages on cards and notes and gift-wraps from my students here. I was thinking of typing them down, one by one, to the letter and full stop, here so that I may always have them with me, where ever I go to, whenever I am connected.

Couldn't have this done before landing here so definitely I can only carry this out when I am back.

To them, thank you so much for all the opportunities, the patience, the enthusiasm, the support, the smiles, the hugs, the smart retorts, the irritating behaviors, the bright eyes, the help, the suggestions, the warmth, the naughtiness, the reminders, the obedience, the attentiveness, the listening..ALL.

You guys were great to me. I've grown tremendously this year, simply because of all of you. You have sincere thanks from the bottom of my heart.

So, yes, I will have this done for me, for all of you and from me, from all of you!

Blessed lives, y'all!

Facebook-ing, not cool!

Ah, Facebook..the craze of today's wired people. Everyone that I know, somehow has an account or another with on that platform. Well, almost. The exception is my parents.

Even I am not spared from stamping my presence in this maze of connectivity. It's my numbered addiction, though at what step it is I have yet to determine, nonetheless, it is one of my vices these days.

I go for the one game and of course, pictures. The nosy side of me loves seeing pictures, of friends, of fiends, of acquaintances, of food, of good times, of places, and of simply, just pictures. Random shots of everyday lives or powerful shots of expression or intriguing picture compositions and of course, there are the not so random, pretty, beautiful, artistic, weird, funny...you name it, I've seen them.

Aside of from that, it's for keeping in touch, really. The lazy pig of myself method of keeping in touch. Of sending greetings, of wishing, of sending messages. Yes, it used to be done with cards which we can still get from stores. Then, phone calls when I was old enough to handle the phone and have money to spend on them. Phone calls gave way to sms-es, easier and avoids the deafening silence and awkwardness you might face with some. Emails were never my choice. When facebook came along, well, all these took a back seat. Wall posted greetings became my number one choice. It's easy, could be done at my convenience, and I even get references from other posts, if any.

While I dig those, it's really a distraction. I am sure I am not the only one suffering from this addiction. Yes, this is an addiction. I have no one good reason to be log in at all times, yet, I am. There is nothing in particular that I need to check yet I am always there. I end up playing game and getting my head all weird and eyes tired over it.

And the saddest thing is that this addiction, this facebook-ing thing, is keeping me away from here. Not cool!

Guilt list for today

The trouble with driving along our highways is it difficult to stay disciplined. There are just too many rules to be broken. Driving back just now, I too was guilty of indiscipline, breaking quite a number of rules myself. In all honesty, below is my guilt list for today :

1. Not using my indicator lights
- Yes, I was not always using my indicator lights when I was switching lanes. Sometimes I would use them, when my shallow mind though that I needed to indicate to others my next actions. Other than those, I wouldn't be bothered to put on those blinkers.

2. Overtaking from the left lane
- Now, this I wouldn't normally do on purpose. Today, it was because I was stucked in the middle lane, approaching a far slower car than mine, while on the right lane, crazy maniacs driving over the speed limit were zooming pass. So, I was left with the option of either slowing down and losing my momentum or go to the left, since it was clear. Well, I chose the latter, wouldn't you? Hhhmmm...

3. Changing channels on the radio
- Oh, this one I really plead guilty! I have this habit of changing the channels of the radio. Why? Simply because I cannot stand listening to advertisements or DJs talking too much too long over the radio! Or sometimes, certain songs. Goodness, you are suppose to play songs over the radio, not hog them with your 2cents worth, or your advertisers! It's dangerous, yes, because I tend to focus on the songs and radio and not on the driving, at least not fully. And today, they spoke too much, again.

4. Drinking
- This is a little tricky. It's good to keep ourselves well hydrated, especially when driving long distance. But sometimes, it can be very dangerous to drink while driving, even if it's plain water. Similar to channel changing, doing another activity makes us lose a little of our concentration on driving. This is especially so if your bottle is big and your are driving alone, like me. Well, open it up first and place it somewhere you can reach easily. Another way, stop and then drink. Else, don't drink, if you can.

5. Texting when driving
- Haha, undoubtedly, this is definitely not a thing to do when you are driving. Texting? Totally distracting! What do you think you have, 2 brains and four eyes?? Not even to The Goat! Sorry! Big mistake here, big selfish mistake of mine!

Only five today? Not bad! I noticed, the mother of all road-related evils, SPEEDING, was not on my list! Yeeehhhh!! Good work, girl. Another battle won. Keep it up, for the list must be shorten, consistently.

Attack of the Green Nose Pig!

What happens if your pet goat is actually a green nose pig in disguise? Tell me, please. He doesn't play the violin no longer, not that often. Instead, he blows his nose to turn it into a nasty shade of green. And mind you, no warning is given! Out of the blue, the goat coat transforms to reveal an over-emotional pig-like creature, with the greenest nose you have laid your eyes upon!

And you are left there, blown away, staring in bewilderment!
BEWARE...The Attack of the Green Nose Pig!!

randoms

Don't you think this is too fast? As much as I know that the both of you have known each other for a while, but it's not in this manner...don't you think that perhaps you should give yourself chance to get to know each other, as a couple, before taking it the next step?

Recalling back this line during one of the many conversation which I had with a very thoughtful friend, she certainly touch base there. I was very confident then, telling her that, yes, that would be good, but if he is the one, then no amount of time would be enough to learn enough and if he is not the one, any amount of time would be not enough to learn enough!

I had been confident then, and now, I still am. But at times, I would ask myself, do I have the patience to learn to persevere?!

**************************************************

Many times, I have been asked, if I had the do-die mentality, then how come, why in the world did I take so long to move?

My answer is simple, patience. It has always been that. I had always question my ability to be patient and still question it. I had been very blessed to know the patience of a certain someone before this. Therefore, I know, I took that for granted and never really needed to learn to give in. Now I have learn the limit of my patience, and learn too to stretch it. I had always been given. With you, I have to reverse the role. So, that's why it took me so long to do it, for I had always believe that I couldn't do it. Right now, I think I am faring not very well, but not as bad I as thought I would be. It's hurting, though.

When..can there be?

When two stubborn heads meet,
When two equally egoistic people meet,
When two peas from the same pot meet,
Can the end be sweet?

When two stubborn heads differ,
When two egoistic people bicker,
When two peas in the same pot flicker,
Can the end be lekker?

When neither stubborn heads give in,
When neither egoistic people back off,
When neither of the peas recede,
Can there be a happy ending?

wedge

Articles on maintaining and improving relationships between you and your significant other that I had the good opportunities to stumble upon and the even better discipline to read them, always have one thing in common. They always stressed that a couple should never end the day, their day, bickering. Or having negative tension enveloping all over them. Writing in another angle, a couple should solve and resolve all problems before hitting the sack. Kiss and make up. Love and be love again. End the day with tender loving care, so that the next day, if they are lucky enough to have it together, can start with the right footing, the love foot.

To knowingly allow a problem to simmer over the night as the couple slumbers is simply being irresponsible. They voluntarily let a wedge come between them. As little as it maybe, a tiny wedge is still a tool that separates. Many a problem tends to start from, believe it or not, a tiny wedge, which failed to be dislodge when it was first placed there, intentionally or otherwise. Let sit long enough, the pressure builds and soon, without realizing it, it's just impossible to remove it. Pressure continues, hairline cracks appear, the wedge being pushed in deeper as time passes, the problem never addressed but sat on, like a hen sitting on her eggs, waiting for the right time to hatch her beloved babies. Except there's no right time and beloved babies in this matter. Just ugliness and selfishness of the human minds.

It is one of the cardinal sins of relationship problems.

And I think I had committed a sin, last night. And worse, I am still doing nothing to resolve it. And it takes two to tango!

A Ripe Jackfruit

Baaaaaappppp!!
Toes found their way into the folds of the pyjamas legs.
Momentum's law applied, leg tried hard to lift up, but alas, failed!
Instability ensued, body swayed left.
Like a ripe jackfruit falling to the ground, the klutzy giant found itself on the floor.
The cold, hard tiled floor!
The left pelvic and elbow bone landed the hardest.
A brief moment of numbness, then pain synapses fired rapidly to the brain.
The backbone crouched into a fetal position, almost immediately.
The face muscles contracted, the eyes squinting, the voice chords tried, in vain, to work.
Thirty seconds passed.
The idiot box continued to play.
Another ten seconds passed.
Hand reached to rub the hardest hit bones.
Slowly, the tumbled giant rose, face crumpled in pain.
The music from the idiot box beckoned, a little comfort for that painful episode!

Broth of Love

I am sometimes overwhelmed by love.
I think it's love for I've never felt like this before with anyone else.
I feel like a pot at that time, boiling all the emotions together, joyful, happiness, sadness, exuberance, delightful, enthusiasm, gracious..
binding them together to make into a thick broth of love.

Good morning, World.

It has been quite a while since I've enjoyed a cool Sunday morning, doing what I want, for myself. Have been up for quite a while, a little over three hours ago. Took my own sweet time to start up my day. Enjoying posted photos, enjoying the cool breeze, enjoying the view, enjoying the solidarity of waking up when my surroundings are still enjoying their sleep. Words come to me very easily in this case, although discipline finds it even easier to play a fool with me.

Taking in all, breathing in all, living it, it's great to be alive. I have to learn to be more appreciate of the good things of life given to me, wrapped or otherwise. They are gifts, all of them, straight down from the powers of our mysteriously beautiful universe or send to me by Her wonderful angelic messengers. Which ever way, to be able to type is down, I am just grateful.

Good morning, World. It's my pleasure to be alive.

~ You Found Me ~

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

:: Sung by the group The Fray. One of the best songs I've ever come across. ::

On Dismissal

Dismissal duty is one of the worse of the many duties that teachers have to conduct in my school. It has good objectives, to ensure the smooth of dismissal and at the same time, safety of the students are not compromise as much as the school can.

Yet, I think over the years, as the different years grow different ways of parenting which in turn leads to current batch of children, this system, while it can be maintain, has to evolved, just as how the children themselves continue to grow.

Emphasis should be on safety, while assisting the children with their bags and tumblers and what ever else, should be place second. I feel this strongly simply because students need to learn to take responsibility of their own things. Responsibility will contribute to the growth of a mature, independent and humble mind.

Teachers can help facilitate the traffic, both parents and children, but their duty should stop there. Reason being the child should be mindful enough to pack their bags light enough that they still can shoulder the weight of the bags. It is bewildering if they pack such heavy bags until they themselves cannot carry them. Leaving it to the parents to help them is bad enough, but worse are some children which I had the opportunity to observe, conveniently leave the bags by the road or their car, and head straight to enter the car, leaving poor teacher to carry their bags for them into their transport.

For me, it's really an irresponsible act, firstly by the child and secondly, by the parents, and thirdly, by the school. To reason it that the child knows not better is simply unacceptable. As for the parents, have not stop for a moment to think what is going to happen to your child if they are already behaving in such irresponsible way from such a young age. As for the school, the brainchild of something maybe successful then, but constant reevaluation is needed to ensure the noble objective is not lost as the years progresses.

Shouldn't all things continue to grow, for the better? Only my half cents worth..

R.I.P, you will be missed, dearly

It was really an unintentional browsing. I saw the little notification at the left hand corner of my page, and decided to just take a peek to see how he was doing.

Those words displayed in front of me, really gave me a shock! It was difficult to believe. The three little letters, in acronym, universally understood. I skimmed the page, looking for postings which could enlighten my bewildered mind.

I scrolled the page further down, my heart thumping a little faster than usual. Time was limited, yet my curiosity was riding at the edge. I was digging for information, for I know, should I fail to get it then, it would bug me the whole day. Then I saw them, those words, speaking to me.

What a sad day indeed! But how come? When did it happen? Why did it happen to him, of all people? Wasn't he getting better as days passed? Didn't he said that himself? What exactly happened? Why wasn't I informed?

Oh, so many questions rushed through my mind in that short moment. No answers were offered there, I looked. Perhaps, I thought, those strings of ideograms might provide what little comfort to me by giving the answers to my questions. I quickly glanced at the clocked once again. It was time. I had to packed and get ready for school.

I said a little prayer. Wishing him eternal peace and love on his final journey. With a heavy heart, I signed out from that page. I would never forget that moment. Indeed, I might be slowest to know, perhaps, but it was better knowing that not knowing, at all.

R.I.P, you will be missed, dearly. I will always treasure the friendship that we had.

:: [09]3 ::

[09]3
090909
09.09.09
09.09.2009
09September2009
09th September 2009
9th September, 2009

The 9th of the month of September of the year 2009

Forever carved in my heart and soul.
A new beginning, a new journey.
Placed a step to build a path.
Put a brick to build the foundation.

Take my hand, together we go.
One look behind then we leap.
The sky's our limit, but only.
Together, we breath the future.

Our MLML journey but begins on 090909!

thank you

Thank you, my Angels. A little too late, nevertheless, never forgotten.
Without the help from both of you, perhaps, there might not be a smooth that day.
Indeed, you guys are my guardian Angels in the guise of humans, with your broad wings forever covering me, protecting me.
Thank you very much, my Angels.

Counting days

I am counting days now. For many things, not just a specific. For one, today is the last of my many days in this city of angels this time around. Tomorrow, it's back to reality, but no, I am not complaining.

When tomorrow comes, it is a testament that live goes on and that we are all living. In matter of less than a fortnight, I will be stepping into another part of my life. While some may fear for me, worry for me, be apprehensive for me, I am just taking in stride. I have none of those, because time and again, I have been shown that I have not made a wrong decision. So far, that's it. And I truly believe that I this is the correct path to thread. For that person is he.

Counting on also to the day that I would have to hand in the forth love letter in my life time. I am thankful for the opportunities given. Choose I have to, so I have chosen. Wrong or right, I will have to make it. Bless me please.

Counting down also towards the first ever baby in the family! Coming soon, in the last month of the year. Though not mine, I am excited. It will be a very happy delivery from the stork for our family and I truly believe that my parents will be the happiest of the lot.

Also, in another few days, if everything falls into place, another new nest will be created. Our nest. Fingers crossed that all will take place as plan. Thank you so much!

Another important count down is the coming home a traveler, done for after 2 years abroad. Hmm... it's a waited homecoming especially for my parents, I believe.

Oh, so many events to count down to, so lets be patient in counting down to all of these.

Rain and Sun

Here I am, sitting on the couch, facing a cute Mini, with the headphones on my ears and the tv in front flashing news from around the world. The weather has been a little gloomy today, with thunder and lightning accentuating the early morning rain. While the rain has taken a respite, the clouds are still looming over, creating an overcast on this city.

I welcome the rain, though. I might had grumbled a little over the fact that the sunny sun had been blocked by the clouds, but at least rain brings about a fresher feeling today. The most welcomed raindrops had helped to wash away the dustiness and exhaust fumes from the never-ending traffic in this city. The short rain had helped to maintain the keep the crowd away, at least while it lasted, from the streets. Without it, yes, for a moment at least, the traffic eased for while. It would never stop, but it eases. Even for while, I but welcome it very much.

Yet today, I am chasing the heat from the sun. The sun has been given a little break by the rain. Nay, a little longer today, what with the clouds brewing between her and this city. The shine is what I need, for today, on my last day here in this city, for there are many pieces of clothing to be cleaned, dried and then packed. The sun continues to hide, but she understands. She still decides to share it's heat with me. A little sharing goes a long way.

You can't always get what you want, especially not the weather. He is our master, we function our lives around him. So it's a good day today. I am thankful with what he gives me.

Boredom, and its cure...?

This is one bored girl posting a short post about boredom! If there is any one day which she had felt boredom, this would be the most boring day of her entire life. A life of waiting is really a boring activity. Calling is not an option, as it would simply fall under the label of being POSSESSIVE. So this girl has to be contented to being bored, on her own, in a familiar country, in an unfamiliar apartment, with a very loving guy doing every other thing, except being the cure for her boredom...

Happy holidays, my dear!

Looking forward to my holidays, I am.
Oh, you are having holidays?
Yes, I am.
How long will you be off? A day? Two days?
No, my dear, I will be off for a week, one whole week! Seven days!
Wow, that's long! And your boss approved of your leave application?
Hah, my dear! I think I've not update you about me for quite a while. Sorry! It's the school holidays, I will be having my school holidays! I forgotten, perhaps you are not aware, but I'm teaching now. I'm working in a school now.
Oh, really? You are pulling my leg, aren't you? You were traveling around last time, weren't you?
No, I'm serious. Here, look at my tag. Remember, years ago, I told you about wanting to go for that course? Well, I didn't, but I did get to being a teacher, in the end.
Hmm...that course, yes, I remember now, but I thought, you had said that didn't want to go for that anymore? I'm confused!
Well, yes, not for that course, but still I would like to teach. And now, I am!
In that case, that's nice, really. I am all happy for you. No wonder then, your break is so long, a week, and without the need to apply! I'm envious! Hahaha!
Don't be, my dear. Think in this angle, at least you are able to take holiday anytime you like, subjected to approval from you boss, right? We teachers have to follow the school holidays, unless it's a real emergency. And do you know, I actually fell sick one day, and had to skip school, and would you believe it, I actually felt guilty because I couldn't have my classes! So after that, I really thought, yeah, if it's bearable, why not, right? Anyway, that was a wonder! Didn't think that I would one day feel that way.
Wow! Me too. I remember. We use to try our best to use up our sick leave allocation. Haha..That's a good and positive change. I believe, you are more responsible now, than before. At least, I hope so.
Me, too.
Anyway, do enjoy your holidays. I'm sure you will not be here right? Where ever you go, take care, all right? Just be alert and on full guard, especially on the flu issue. Wear a mask, gal.
I will! Thanks for your concern. I will try get you a gift.
Oh, don't worry about that. But thanks anyway. Happy holidays, my dear!
Oh, Happy holidays!

Price of Netball fun

Netball! Who would have thought I would one day play netball! Certainly not me!

I couldn't recall when was the last time I played netball. It must have been during one of my PJK lessons in secondary school. What did I remember from that lesson? Nothing, apart from my dislike for games, and netball especially, simply because we couldn't run when we have the ball. The rules, the players' roles, the points system, everything else I had 'returned' to my PJK teacher (so sorry, teacher).

So when it was announced that there would be a netball tourney for all teachers and staff, I was just dumbfounded for a while. I couldn't react. As it was made compulsory for everyone to join the tournament, reluctantly, I prepared myself for the game. We were divided into six teams.

When the day approached, I did was a little apprehensive. I did not manage to join any of the practice sessions a few days before due to other commitments. So, praying hard, I just hoped. Hope that everything would turn out alrite. And that I would not humiliate myself.

My team members met up about half an hour before the tourney started. Apart from my leader, the rest of us had never played a netball game before, and have negligible knowledge of the game. Strategy wise, we try our best to construct one. But one good thing, all of us were very positive and enthusiastic. Perhaps, we held on to the spirit of, lets just have fun!

Each team had to play 5 rounds and everyone has to have a turn in a game, or at least half a game. We were the opening 2 teams. After being awarded an 'egg' in the first game, I had thought we did pretty alright, managing to score at least a point in each subsequent game. Very excellent job to my fellow team mates, especially to my team leader!

I played in almost all the games. 90% of total playing to be exact, embarrassing myself as the goalkeeper for my team. The scorching sun didn't help though, sometimes shining right into my view. But the worst was my physical state. I realized midway during my second game, that I am really not fit! I felt drained at that time. Luckily, each round was quite short.

Tiring as it was, I must say that I had a great time, playing. Once we all let our minds to just have fun, and of course, try to win in the process, it was really great. It was the waiting for the next games that made me feel more tired actually. However, one thing I observed during the times in between was, Ms Doris, you were the most 'polite' player that day. And you had the best shoes! Wished I had taken a photo of that. :)

So netball, I played you once again, after so long. Great fun, but had been paying the price of having fun for the past 2 days. Body ache!

Cardigan, my saviour

Never in my whole life did I think that my cardigan would one day save me! Yes, a cardigan. A plain black cardigan. A knitted garment like a jacket, which opens down to full length of the front, that cardigan.

Today, I had the privilege to join another field trip, this time to the National Science Centre. It was supposed to be a routine field trip, where I was assigned to accompany a class. As usual, we went by bus, this time 3 busloads full of children with about 12 teachers, 2 for each of the 5 classes of primary three children, while 1 teacher acted as the lead and another held the duty of the official trip photographer.

I was in bus 2, supervising 8 children. It was during the trip heading there, that it happened. I had found an empty seat right up in front, while 75% of the children under me were all seated at the back end of the bus. So, after a while, I headed to the back of the bus, wanting to check out how they were doing. After all, I had to supervise, didn't I, and that was what I was doing. Supervise. Chatting, networking, being friends :)

Anyway, there wasn't anymore empty seats there, so I had decided to just lay my butt down at the edge of one of the child's seat. I didn't realize that it was a little damp. After sitting for some time, I noticed the dampness. So, I asked him, if he had spilled some water on his seat. He innocently nodded to my question. I had thought nothing about it, since I saw his water bottle laying there. It was just water, I said to myself. It would dry up once I leave that seat.

I wasn't sure what made me check out the back of my pants, but I did. Then I saw. The awful stain. The awfully big stain of dark red. The patch was so big, that it covered an area almost as big as my hand, if not bigger. It was really so so similar to that of the period stain, except for the location. I looked at the boy and asked what exactly did he spill on the seat. He pointed to a little bottle, placed on the holding net in front of him, filled with red colour liquid, some sort of juice. I was aghast! This cannot be happening. Not on the day that I wore beige coloured pants to work!

The stain was so so visible. Even the boys around me said it was not alright. It was noticeable. One smart alec even had the cheek to tell me that it looked just like stain from 'the girl's bleeding'. I was speechless, totally embarrassed yet at the same time, I was amazed with his knowledge. This came from a nine-year old boy!

No option. I took off my cardigan, and wrapped it around my waist. I was a little apprehensive a little for doing so, as the top that I was wearing was sleeveless. I did a little calculation in my head and arrived to the conclusion that I would rather be reprimanded for wearing sleeveless rather than die in embarrassment in public by walking about in a pair of stained pants!

So, that was how I went through the day wearing sleeveless top to work, for the first time in my whole working life. And that was also how my cardigan came to be my saviour just now. Seriously, I was just thankful that I did not simply wear a T-shirt as my top but instead chose a cardigan to complete my sleeveless top. I really thought that I was just lucky, plain lucky! I am just thankful!

I.. WANT to

Another sad piece of news was given to me last weekend. A friend's father passed away, unexpectedly. Details to how he died was little fuzzy, as no one actually knew what exactly happened. For sure, though, his death was real blow to his family, my friend, especially since I heard that her mother and sister were with her celebrating her convocation and they were all doing some light traveling in another continent, overseas when the news broke.

This event, after the news of Yasmin Ahmad unexpected demise end of last month, and before that, the much publicized sudden but mysterious death of a political aide of a certain state assemblyman, dig me, a little.

Life is so fragile. That time waits for no man. That said, I had always had the mentality that tomorrow will be here for me to continue what I want to do, or am lazy to do today. With those news, perhaps, I should rethink hard the outlook I have over life. Realign my thoughts.

Tomorrow is really a gift for me. For everyone of us. Today's our celebration. We should not just waste the seconds given to us for today, with thoughts tomorrow will come. Yes, surely, as long as the universe continues to exist and bring with it, its gift of time, we all should use it wisely and as best as it can.

Pretty sure that many of us have come across at least once, the phrase, live today as if there's no tomorrow. How true that phrase is! We should cherish and treasure what we have now, the people that we know and love, the life that we are living, the environment we are in, the things we love, be more mindful of our acts and thought. In everything, just simplify our thoughts to produce our best at every second of our time for each of them.

I want to. After all, what if my tomorrow don't appear?

Just a little fish..

And I thought I could kill 3 birds with one stone! In the end, I only managed to kill 2 birds only, and the last one escaped! What am I talking about? Hah, school of course!

Today, as mentioned, I was scheduled to follow a trip to a Special Needs School, somewhere in the city. We were supposed to start the trip at 1pm and scheduled back here latest by 430pm. In the mean time, my department head had also scheduled the monthly department meeting today, to start at 350pm and, if like those previously ones, by 5pm, the meeting would be done. The last one, was Power Fun time, the weekly activity which takes place in the school hall. An hour of fun-learning for the students, starting from 230pm right up to 330pm.

Now, among all these three activities, only the last one is on a weekly basis, while the other two are just one time activities, if I am lucky enough. So I was actually quite glad when I learnt that the schedules of the two one time activities clashed with each other. That meant that I just have to attend one in full, while the other half way through. In other words, I just needed to spend a day of extended work, and both would be settled.

Now, imagine my disappointment when I saw a note placed on my shelf, after coming back from the trip, informing that the meeting has been postponed. I could only sigh, really. Suddenly, I lost all mood and push to stay positive again. Postponement only points out that I have to sacrifice another evening to attend that meeting! It's tiring, really, to be awake for over 12 hours straight, to attend to a meeting and discussed things which, in the end, if the outcome is not to what is wanted, might just be vetoed over by the larger hands.

What can I do, though. I am just a little fish trying to stay alive in a very toxic and murky pond!

What a @#^&*^!@*%self!

In the blink of an eye, July's coming to an end! Time flies, no doubt! I am heading towards another phase of my life very soon, and yet, I have yet to make any preparations for it. I am really not practising the 7 habits, falling yet again into the cycle of laziness and lackadaisical attitude.

And here I am, on this Thursday night, trying my best to post something of substantial importance and length, in hopes that I may use the post for my weekly journal submission to my HOD. So far, i had posted 1, the one before this, but that I am not satisfied. This too, I don't think that would be suitable for that purpose. After all, I do not want to be killed, unnecessarily.

All evening, I had been avoiding this. Postponing the important stuff, which was not urgent till now. It is urgent now? Yes! Tomorrow's the dateline and I had yet anything prepared! How efficient! And what was the more important thing that I had pushed this back and attended to that?

Playing game! Yes, I heard myself, Oh My Goodness! Totally unproductive day! What a @#^&*^!@*% self!, I am!

Moments to Remember <3 ..Special Needs Kindy Visit

It was such an eye-opening experience. I am really thankful that I had the opportunity to experience it. What am I blogging about?

Well, my school had arrange for this one outing for some of the P4 students to go and help out at Special Needs School or more accurately, would be a kindergarten. It would be a weekly visit, each time different teachers accompanying different group of 8 students there. Today, I was my turn.

I had never lend myself into such activity so far, so this was my first visit. Certainly, seeing the children with various characters and characteristics, so special in their own way, I cannot but feel an admiration for the teachers there. It certainly requires patience and much skill to get tap into their attention span and teach them.

And here I am thinking why some of my students are behaving the way they are! Well, compared to those children there, I am certainly just blessed to get naughty children. At least, they understand what you are saying and their attention span goes far beyond seconds!

That said, though, I do not think that I would want to visit the place again, at least not without any friends around. It certainly needs courage to go there. And also, not during school hours. I was exhausted by the time I got back. You need to be fit to be a teacher, and you need to be VERY fit to a teacher in Special Needs school.

Happy birthday, Ms Principal!

It was interesting to observe how the school celebrated Ms Principal's birthday. Yes, we were told when her birthday was and a small celebration was held in the staffroom.

That wonderful day was yesterday, and I was informed later on that she was already nearly approaching her forties. I was surprised to learn that, as she doesn't look a day over thirty five!
Anyway, we were asked to come by 0720 on that morning, as some of the pillar bearers had something arranged. Indeed, they had!

About ten minutes to time, paper hats were distributed to all the teachers. Yes, hats made out of newspaper. Simple folded hat, not unlike a halfway boat. Everyone was required to wear them. I had trouble making mine stay on the head, but somehow, I managed. It was weird.

Next, I noticed that cakes, three cakes, were being prepared. Candles were lit and arranged on the cakes. After that, three teachers took the cake a little further away from the front of the staff room, kinda to hide it away from obvious sight.

Next, we were told to hide ourselves. How we were to do it, was up to us, up to our heads, importantly neither we nor our pointy hats were to be seen. I took off my hat and just sat on the floor at my place, too lazy to squat. I could see pointy hats everywhere though. Yet, in my head, I just couldn't help but think that it was just so obvious that something was going on as the lights were switched off. That never happens unless there was blackout!

After that, the lights went off. By that time, almost everyone was already waiting for Ms Principal to come. Me, too. I was eagerly waiting, though I wasn't too sure if I was that eager to see her reaction. Funny feeling.

Then she came, following the former BM head. Yes, she was the bait to lead Ms Principal up later than usual. When she came it, we all shouted, surprised, if I wasn't mistaken. And then we all sang the birthday for her. Was she surprised? In my honest opinion, no. I think she knew that we would be arranging something for her.

Confettis were sprayed after the singing of the song had ended. The floor of the first table was in a mess, but this girl couldn't resist to pick up of the confettis, before they were polluted by the soles of shoes.

With the help of glue, I couldn't resist to paste some of it on my hat, in hopes to decorate it and add some colour to it. It certainly helped spruce up the hat, a little.

After the customary deliverance from her and her deputy, we all headed to the hall for the assembly. Oh ya, forgot, we were required to wear our hats to the hall! Indeed, a simple celebration. Yet, I think that why not have one each month, to celebrate everybody's birthday. We are but staff of the same school. We but make the system work, didn't we? Something to be considered about, eh? :D

Aren't we, girl?

Guilty, I should not feel,
Wrong, I did nothing,
Respect, I always had for you,
Friends, aren't we, girl?

Why, I ask you,
Selfish, your actions,
Clouded, your words,
Friends, aren't we, girl?

Wrong, your choices,
Treasure, you did not,
Push, why didn't you,
Friends, aren't we, girl?

Guilty, I am not,
Wrong, you choices,
Fight, you gave up,
Friends, are we still now?

Thank You For Second Chances

I cannot say this enough, but I really love him.
This is one person whom I know I will feel very lost if I were to lose him, now.
I have grown accustomed to have him around me, and to have his love for me.
I feel very safe and secure, even more now than before, because he is there for me.
Yet, I know, I must not neglect to grow myself, on my own.
Nurture myself, as much as I can, and ask for his help when I should.
Oh, I so love him!
Thank you so much for second chances...

A few good.. souls

Perhaps the saying, people are truly good at heart, is true. Again, I was demonstrated how wonderful and helpful people can be, if only we have faith in them.

Last weekend, after a tiring but fulfilling weekend, I could only managed back home late. It was almost 11pm when I reached my housing area. Since I am staying in an apartment, and it is my turn this month to park my car outside, I prayed hard that there would be an empty parking slot along the road, somewhere not too far from the guard house.

Unfortunately, by the time I arrived the guard house, I came across none, and the nearest was empty place was almost to another housing area's guard house, which was about 300 m away, walking in faintly-lit road.

I went in, telling the guard I wanted to drop off my things. He told me not to be long. Putting my things in the living room, I casually mentioned to my friend that the 'parking was full'. Then, she gave a very good suggestion.

'Why don't you ask the guard if you can park inside, just for tonight, albeit illegally? After all, you leave very early in the morning,' she suggested. I thought about it, and decided to follow her advice. Downstairs I went again, this time walking straight to the guard post.

The guard was there. As usual, he was sitting there watching the cctv, apart from doing other things. I braved myself and asked him if I could just let my car remain near the foyer of my block for the night, as the parking outside along the road was just too filled up. He said no, I could only park there for an hour.

Not giving up, I quickly asked him if there were other spots where I might park illegally, just for the night. He thought for a while and then, told me, there was and asked me to go my car and wait for him. I saw him taking his motorcycle keys as I was walking back to my block. Thank you! Thank you! I screamed in my heart!

I had to wait for him for a couple of minutes at my car before he arrived. He then gestured me to bring my car and follow him. I did. He indicated the spot where I could parked my car for the night. Right opposite the swimming pool! Quickly I went in. I learnt that the owner of the bay didn't have a car but didn't want to rent out the spot. I thanked him profusely before he left.

Indeed, this episode just showed me that there are still good people around. I still could not stop feeling grateful to him, and my friend, and myself. One for the leniency, one for the suggestion, and one more for the courage. Thank you so much, all. Else, I would have dreaded waking up the next morning, for I hate walking to the car in the dark too far. Paranoid!

R.I.P. Shattered bits of One-third!

Why, is it difficult to just state what was the question that required a confirmation from me?

You were one of my closest friend before, yet, what had transpired just now was totally not reflecting that at all. It gave me the chance to question what we had built before was genuine or not? I'm just surprise that of all persons, you will be the one to let a guy get in between us.

May you rest in peace then. I treasure still, what you have given me, what we had built. I had hope that this is one of those relationship and friendship which will last through thick and thin, left and right, up and down, over and under, weather all storms, tornadoes, spiteful hearts..everything in short! I guess, I am just too naive in heart.

May you rest in peace, gal! The last bits of one-third bond has finally shattered!

Cut-S

It was one of those days where I found it just difficult to bring myself out of bed. My mind just took so long to wake up, but I knew that I had to. Lazily, I got up.

As usual, I went straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I had planned to prepare sardine sandwiches for myself. I took out the 2 pieces of sardine fish given by my mother from the fridge and poured them into a bowl. I then placed the bowl into the steamer, heating the sardines.

Quickly, I made my coffee, took out some bread, preparedd the half boiled egg and then went to brush my teeth. After that, I headed back to the kitchen to check on my sardines. Satisfied they were warm enough, I turned off the head and opened the steamer lid. I mashed up the sardines and spread some on the slices of bread. Just nice, I had thought, when the final bits of the sardines were spread on the last piece of the bread.

I touched the tip of the bowl, lightly. It was not that hot any longer. Using my right hand, I took the bowl and tried to bring it to the sink, which was jsut like, say, 30cm away.

It must had been hotter than I thought because bfore I could reach the sink, it accidentally slipped from my hand and landed on the counter before the sink. I looked at the bowl. It had broken into 2 parts, nicely. I was shocked! Picking it up, wanting to throw it away, I noticed drops of blood in the sink. Lots and lots of them. Then I saw. My thumb was bleeding!

I turned on the tap and put my hand under the running water. Blood kept oozing out from the cut. Yet, I thought, so much for just one cut. I looked around and then noticed, oh my, another deeper cut at my middle finger!

And then the pain started...

Moments to remember..too

One day, I was assisting in a BM class. Teacher had instructed the children to create a card for their fathers since Father's Day celebration was just around the corner then. They were each given a piece of colour paper for their card.

Now there's nothing extraordinary about carrying out this activity. This would be the perfect opportunity to teach the children some common greetings associated with father's day. In fact, Teacher had already given a few samples on the board for the children to copy should they not have any ideas of their own.

Now, in this class, there were three boys who are infamous for their discipline. Well, they were just naughty boys. They would speak the loudest, run instead of walking and of course, boys being boys, sometimes fight with each other. Its lesser now, though. Yet, they were actually best of friends.

Everyone was busy at work with their cards. There were some were trying to decorate the cover, some trying to copy the messages in their cards, and there were others who thinking what to do. The three boys were also hard at work, although they had both their hands and mouth moving at the same time. Nonetheless, I could see that they were enjoying this activity.

As usual, I went round assisting those who needed assistance. Cutting out heart-shapes, showing them how to colour their cards, give them ideas how to decorate their cards, and most importantly, reminded them not to forget to write their father's day messages in Bahasa Malaysia.

With about 10 minutes to go, one of the three naughty boys had finished his card. I took a look at his card and praised him for a job well done. He looked pleased and then asked if he could have another piece of paper. I gave him one after Teacher said it was alright.

Instinctively, I asked him what he would do with the paper. He shrugged. Then, in his usual split second change in behaviour, he said, "I know! I will make a card for Ms Principal!' He quickly got started. I was surprised but smiled.

Now, Ms Principal is our school principal. And this boy, well, lets just say that he has had numerous visits to her office. I looked at him, so engrossed in creating his card. He was fast, keeping every simple, minimal decoration at maximum speed. Finishing the card, he showed me. I smiled, praised him for his good intention.

Then he did the most interesting of things. He asked me to send the card to Ms Principal on his behalf! He was so insistent that I could not say no. Seeing that class was almost going to end that time, I asked him if he would like to come along. He immediately said, no and insisted that I helped him deliver the card. 'Now ya' he kept repeating, his face looking so earnest that I cannot help but smile. I sent the card after class.

Of course, my principal was very surprised and pleased at the same time. She asked me to call the boy down to her office. I did and left for my another after that. I saw him again after that, smiling unusually wide. He told me, he got an apple from the principal. I smiled.

fDog professionalism..

So where do I stand now? Whose umbrella should I take shelter under? English? Or art? Today that I am confused, is totally understated. I am very angry and confused.

Today, another sample of hasty and very unprofessional management was proven to me. Unfortunately, to me. I was just back into the staffroom, barely started on my marking and was just about to be asked something from my opposite neighbour when The fDog came in. She came straight to me, in such jittery and broken manner, told me that Ms Principal requested that I join along the Art&Crafts Club, since I am teaching Art. I stared at her, and sent her a big 'Huh?!' to her face. She repeated herself, distinctly I could feel her stressing when she said Ms Principal.

I knew I was stunted, pissed, angry, very angry and my face was showing. I just gave a simple, 'K', asked her where it was held, and then just ignored her. I continued chatting a little with the teacher, slowly arranged my books before deciding to go to the studio. Yes, I was actually debating whether to go or not to go. In the end, I went. I am but a teacher by choice.

It is not that I am reluctant to go, but I think that all these should be inform beforehand. As a manager, you manage, and manage well. What kind of management is this if I only have 1.5 rest periods, to do marking, while the rest is filled with classes and duties, regardless if I am the main teacher or not? Furthermore, you cannot justify that way, when there is another art teacher as well. Why is she in the club then?

I do not want to compare in such sense, so please do not give unreasonable reasons. If you need me to be there, just say so. I am not a kid, or a fresh player in the working industry. As much tact as you can have, if you are not professional in conduct or execution, you will still fail to my garner support and respect. In fact, it might just backfire on you and what you have gathered so far, will slowly be peeled away. I cannot, just cannot, be another fDog!

Tomorrow I am going to have another full day with just 2 periods free, which of course, there will be markings to do. In other words, there's no free period at all, not even free to plan and prepare my lessons! Am I suppose to be so boxed down with so much duties? Do you think that I can function better without sometime to plan out my lessons? A teacher has to plan and manage, too!

I am beginning to hate this school and that's bad.

Which side of the coin?

Do I want to see the school close? I had given that thought some weight, but in the end, I still could not make up my mind.

While I would be very happy to get the directive from the ministry to have our school shut down for a week, that could only mean one thing. Quarantine!! And that meant, there is at least a person from my school has been infected by the virus, and has exposed his or herself to us. In other words, no traveling can be done if that is declared. Neither going out nor going home. I am stuck here, cracking the head to find entertainment to amuse myself.

On the other hand, it's good to have the extra one week of so-called rest. I could catch up planning for my suddenly thrust upon art lessons. I get ready some planning for about 4 weeks worth of lessons. Also, I would be able to recover myself from the current exhausting state that I am. Yet, on the other 'other' hand, which probably points back to the original hand, most likely we would have to replace all the classes which we miss, which could only mean, more exhaustion later.

Argghh.. weighing the pros and cons. See, do you understand why I said that I just could not make up my mind? I stand to gain from either sides of the flip of the coin. And I stand to loose from either sides of the flip of the coin, just as easily. The question now is which one would I prefer before channeling my energy there!

EXhaustion

The new semester started last week, amidst all the hype of the latest pandemic. Panic button has not been pressed by the Education Ministry yet, but mine has! Right from the moment I was 'casually' informed by the Ms HR, who was 'casually' busy on the photocopier, the button was stuck in that mode!

Panic attack! I was in a state of panic. Yours truly was practically dazing the day, just trying to get through. It did not help that when she gave that little bang on my head, it was the first day of school and I had just brought back my body to this part of the earth. Undoubtedly, the soul, mind, and heart are definitely still over there. The alarm sounded when Ms Principal later announce, (no) but it's for the whole level! I was dumbstrucked! What??!! Five classes? Alas, nothing came out of me. Too stunt!

A week into it, I am exhausted. Very much exhausted. I have packed days. Although my schedule does not really show it's pack, but my have tons of book markings to do. I am taking 2 english classes for book marking, on top of the five art classes. It's exhausting. I am exhausted.

I would say that for the past six days being in school, slowly, I am bringing back the mind to work. But now the body is being stretched. I am not sure how long, how thin, how far it can be stretch, and am really afraid that it would snapped. It's just too taxing.

Today, I would have journals from 2 classes to review and definitely new incomings of books to mark. Of course, on top of that, I will have to prepare for my art lessons. There are colour papers to be cut and drawing papers to be torn out of their drawing books. I am so not looking forward...to exhaustion!

Expect the unExpected

It's getting late and I have just finished my second art piece for the semester. This would be the sample for this week's art lessons.

My second week into teaching art to eight year-olds and already I'm feeling a little stressed out. It's good kind of stress though. I worry, but it's more on thinking how may I overcome those problems that might face while executing this second lesson. I have ideas, improvision ideas and that's a good sign. Normally, I am lost when it comes to thinking how to execute an academic class, finding the best way to explain something to kids so that they may understand. I am just too rigid, able to explain a point in one way. The golden rule I have became aware of, expect the unexpected.

This week, they are going to do some cuttings and pasting to make art pieces. I have done the sample. It is not difficult, yet, I think it's not easy either for eight year-olds to do it like that way I did it. Therefore, I think that I would modify some steps so that they would not complain too much and the lesson could be done smoothly. Also, I dont' want their parents to come back to me, complaining the hands of their children got hurt during art lessons.

I just worry that when I show them the example, they would just let me know, teacher, we have done that before! I hate that the most, simply because it's difficult to take over a class without any experience in your hands, and neither having ample time to prepare mentally nor the time to consult the previous teacher. Making an appointment with her was just difficult last week, I practically did not see her enjoying any free periods. Pity to her. Luckily, I have a very good consultant staying here with me.

Let's then just pray for a great day as a start a wonderful week!

Sharing....albeit limited :)

I wrote about June's being here, when June just got here. The all important June with its announcements. To share the truth, there are 2 announcements to be made by me.

The first one, the closest of my friends knows it. Only one did not anticipated, thus was shocked to hear it from me. Of course, queries followed, tons of them. I don't blame her, she didn't know the history of 'what lies beneath'. Haha! But it was certainly a great relieve to share it out with them. I guess, something so important as such is really difficult to hold in alone, not especially when it's something soon or later, others would know about.

Now, the second one is a little tricky. So far, I've only shared with 2 persons, with the strictest of instructions to them, that it's confidential. This week, in June, because we, Wonderful Guy and myself, had agreed to only to say it out in June. Timing I guess, so as not to shocked the world.

Friend #1 was really surprised to hear. Good surprise, she said, but she really did not expect me to do that. At least, not now. I was just glad to share that with her. She was very, very happy to hear that coming from me. Perhaps, at least, finally something is going to make me stop moaning so much to her ears. Friend #2 was also surprised with what I shared, but glad for me, and also for her!

I was afraid though, because prior to that, I had not seek the consent from Wonderful Guy to inform. I certainly did not anticipate his so very positively happy reaction. He said, at last, it was taking us to another milestone, putting cement in the mixture of us.

I love him for that!

Moments To Remember..LoveOnWheels

It was my first time. Not knowing what to expect, I was really impressed by how orderly things went. In matter of about 10 minutes, it was all done. We packed up and was already ready to head to the second stop, which was about 15 minutes away. When we arrived at the second stop, it was similar as the first.

The lines were already formed. 2 lines, 2 very long lines. From the young ones to the old ones, from mothers to children to uncles and aunties. They were all there, their faces full of hope, waiting eagerly for us to arrive.

Quickly, we wasted no time. The team worked together. In just a couple of minutes, the banners were up and 'Love On Wheels' were ready to serve. Just like at the first stop, 'Love On Wheels' started of with a short speech by none other than Auntie Clarine herself and also the Team Leader, followed by, of course, the Fungates Cheer!

I was amazed to see how almost everyone present joined in the cheer. The seasoned ones cheered enthusiastically, while the newbies joined in. Boy, they were certainly fast learners! By the third and last cheer, everyone was cheering their hearts out. Amazing spirit!

While the food was being given out, some of us took the opportunity to get closer with the people. We chatted, smiled, high-fived, greeted as much and as best as we could with everyone. It was really interesting to note that at time, age, race and religion holds no barrier. All of us were just there for each other.

Within 15 minutes, everyone has gotten their packs of food. Happy and relief faces were everywhere. We too were smiling, another successful trip. Tired but glad we could offer this little help via 'Love On Wheels'.

Moments to remember..

Previously, as part of the administration team, my job required me to answer phone calls to the school. Most of the phone calls were from parents, with issues ranging from simple inquiries like wanting to know when is school dismissal time to handling complaints. I remember one request from a mother of a primary two student.

She was concerned of her daughter who had fever the day before. She called up the school, hoping that the class teacher could help look out for her daughter's temperature, particularly on that day, afraid that might she run a fever again. I suggested we could get her to office and get her temperature measured then and once again after lunch, just to make sure she was alright. The mother agreed. So, the girl had her temperature measured during those times, and both times, she was normal.

I had thought, that was it. It was just a routine job to me. But I was wrong! One day, when I was walking, a girl greeted me, so cheerfully. I looked at her face, but couldn't place where I've met her. Then I saw the nametag. Oh, it was the girl! The girl whose temperature I took. She just came up to me to say hi. I was really moved. I chatted with her a little while before asking her to get back to her class. I really did not expect that she could remember what I did. Furthermore, I was not a teacher then, just someone who works in the front desk in the school's office. But it really made me feel better that day.

Anyway, I have moved on, and am now teaching her art. :)

Oh, whistle, don't you get tired..?

Finally, a moment devoid of the shrilling whistling of the traffic personnel. No, I am not wrong in using not using traffic policemen. I believe these are members of the public like you and I, carrying out their daily job. Their job is to control the movement of the traffic in the respective areas. Almost all of them are in uniforms, complete with a helmet, and has a whistle hung around their neck.

I've never met one who had been hesitant in using the whistle, so far. From the room, high above see level, I can hear clearly, the sounds from the whistle. Non-stop. No respite. If there was a rare occasion of silent during the day, then to have that moment last for more than a 10 seconds is definitely an impossible wish.

The whistle blower, literally, surprisingly exudes lots of authority. Drivers and riders, hell as they are on the roads, listen and obey to this so-called traffic personnel. He first blows the whistle to get the attention before continuing with another few more blows to direct the traffic.

What's best, the drivers don't seemed to get confused at all, with this constant whistling. I marvel at this. In an area where perhaps there could be more than one person blowing the whistle, the drivers are still able to understand which whistle blow is for them, and abide by them.

It's a little irritating, though, to have to hear this whistling all day long, non-stop.

Right to be fussed-over

Why do parents think that it is very okay on every thing that concerns their health? My mother, lady who well looks younger than her actual age and very hardworking, was telling me about the fainting spell she about a week ago, nonchalantly. I was, well, speechless.

The way she said it, as though it was no big deal. She had indigestion problems that day, she said, suspected caused from consuming mushrooms. A bout of vomitting followed well into the night, I was told. During one trip, I forget the details, but she did mentioned she was holding the door knob when she felt dizzy and almost black-out. What was the word she used, 'layu'. That, I think, was serious enough.

Then she proceeded to add, after that, though I am not sure how soon after, she went to the washroom, having felt discomfort in her bowels. Standing up from the bowl and heading towards the sink, which need not any more than a step, she fainted! She fell head first, her face hitting the mozaic-tiled floor, faced down! What gets into me was how she was smiling while pointing at the scars where the bruises from the fall were healing! I can't believe it! She's taking the whole thing so un-seriously, as though the scars were bonuses or something to be happy for!

I rapted her for that. Questioning her for details, she added, happily(?) that she even took medical leave the next day. What? The next day?! I was very angry and sad and dismayed and confused, all at the same time. That they, my father and mother, only decided to go see the doctor the next day?!! Oh My Goodness, what was going on in your respective minds at that time, father and mother?

Pressed on, she related that the doctor gave her only normal medicine, no referral or letter of recommendation to visit the hospital for, perhaps a further check up, or X-ray. No need, she had given her own diagnosis. Perhaps, just lacking of air due to ingestion. I really cannot stand it anymore. Clearly, this is no simple matter. If you need to give your own diagnosis, then definitely, you know something's wrong. Why can't she see that? Why can't they see that? Why can't the doctor see that? Or perhaps, doctor was not aware of it? Speechless..

She even had the cheek to add that she was lucky enough have not-too-bad bruises. If she had knocked on the basin, she would had worse bruises. I really cannot fathom her logical thinking at this point. Hitting huge wate-filled basin would spell disaster! What then if she fell head first into the basin??!!! How could she say, it was lucky??!!!

Clearly, I am in no position to understand the way her mind works and process things. I do not think that I want to. It's just wrong. You do not say it's alright after suffering all these. Perhaps indigestion might have caused all these, but it's not okay. It must have been a very very bad state of indigestion for all these to happen. And that means, something is very wrong. It is just not alright. I am bewildered too, as to why my father failed to act upon those, seriously. Just visiting the clinic is not enough. He, of all person, should know that.

You have the right to be fussed-over. It is not wrong. I am the right to fuss over you, just like you had over us, when we were little, suffering but only bouts of the normal fever or cough or flu. If force is needed, it will be applied, for I think that you need a medical check up, thoroughly done, to check and confirm and affirm.