Waiting. Waiting..

Hopefully, within these few minutes, there will be call to my mobile, indicating that someone's on the way here to pick me up for a movie screening in about less than an hour. That person is of course coming after work, after a farewell dinner gathering for a colleague of his. Due to that, I've no need to squeezed my creative juices to whip up a dinner meal today. Taking advantage of that too, I fast, this evening.

My feelings are tugged two ways, whilst myself sits, waiting. A part of me is telling me there's nothing much to this. He's a working person and hence, it's natural to be not early, to not yet arrive. Yet another part of me, could not help but feel very, very disappointed. Love is to be unconditionally given, yet I cannot help but measure and compare at each and every action he is taking.

To be able to just attend the farewell dinner today, with such short notice given, had set my mind working overdrive. A call to him earlier confirmed that he managed to finish work an hour and half ago, about an hour earlier than of late. He had been coming back late for the past week or so, indirectly meant taking dinner together at nearly nine each time. In other words, I too had my dinner a tad later that I would prefer on those occasions. Late dinners are the enemy of staying slim, aren't they?

My selfish-self cannot but compare all these to today. Coincidence, maybe but it's damning. My brain went overdrive, as usual. Furthermore, I had thought today would be a date day, since he had said, that he would leave all work today so that we would have dinner together and then off to enjoy the night watching a movie. Canceling on me doesn't seemed to bother him at all. In fact, it seemed so natural.

I am still waiting for the call. However, deep in my cursing heart, I have the inkling he would forget to make this call, and instead, would just show up here, with about half hour to go to the start of the movie. It's not women's intuition, merely a rational guess upon reading into his habits for so long.

I may sound very pessimistic and very ungrateful. That busy someone is but taking me out for a movie. Even so, I feel that I definitely deserve better treatment from that someone. I really wonder now, why am I hanging on to this branch of my life. I am still waiting. Waiting. Waiting...

he told me..

A long time ago, a boy told spilled his heart to me.
He told me we would be perfect together.
He told me he dreamt of me.
He told me he could not stop thinking of me.
He told me he wanted to be with me.

Not very long then, this boy woke up to reality.
He told me he could not forget about me.
He told me he wished for me.
He told me he admired me.
He told me he had wanted to be me.

Not too long ago, this boy met with reality.
He told me he could hold me tightly.
He told me he could make me inlove with him.
He told me he regretted not being decisive.
He told me he knows we would be perfect together.

This boy fled a reality for another reality.
He told me he still wants to date me.
He told me he still wants to hold me.
He told me he could not stop regretting.
He told me he waits me, still.

This boy tested reality. He asked me why have I not taken the vows, yet.

Another UNHEALTHY addiction

I've skipped writing here for a couple of days. Time I had plenty, ideas abundance but no discipline. Yes, once again, I allowed myself to be a victim of indiscipline. I had made kind of a pledge to try to post here each day as a way hon my writing skills. After all, practice makes perfect.

On the contrary, the last 2 days, I had slaved myself to a new game. Scramble. It's not a new game as in just released-new, but more to I found myself drawn to it. It started as an innocent re-try, as I saw many updates of the performances of the players of the game. I myself had started this game way back, about a few months ago, but it did not take off then. I was more into another word based game.

I was intrigued as why they chose to play this game instead of others, since I felt this game was certainly much tougher. But I couldn't resist and tried my hand at it again. Then, I was hooked. I played game after game after game, with the quest to improve my rankings. Slowly, as I got the hang of the game, my points did gather, pushing my ranking up appropriately. I'm now at the second tier, from the pool of about 10 playing friends.

If I used to wake up to reading the news online, for the past three mornings now I had started the day manipulating alphabet tiles to make as many words as I can, while sipping my daily dose of caffeine. Although it has just been for the last two days, I find that the time I spent doing this is increasing. It's unhealthy, I think, as I'm foregoing my reading pages to get more time so that I move up the ranks. Very unhealthy indeed. To the point, this coffee addict felt like though she contracted had pc-poisoning yesterday, as she felt herself getting slightly nauseas sitting in front of her screen, she just couldn't stop herself. Unhealthily pathetic.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one out there stricken with such disease. It's really difficult to give up this new addiction but today, I'm trying. It may be a little worrisome to hear that I was playing the game before posting this. Nonetheless, I'm a little happy, because I managed to pull myself away to have this site updated. A great achievement compared to yesterday and the day before's condition. Maybe bestowing the label addiction to this new game is exaggerating since it was just 2 days of maddening play. My hunch says that I'm not wrong though. Trying to pull away before this addiction worsens.