This Childish Game

It is so very hard for her to feel warm and supportive. As much as she understands the predicament the lady is in, she finds it difficult to sympathize for her condition. She did feel for the lady previously and could see how she needed the listening ear for her case. She did it wholeheartedly, with no reservations, as she understood very well the insecurities the lady were describing. She herself had had experienced being in that state.

However, overtime, she had been trying very to let go and learn how to overcome the feeling. It wasn't easy for her. At times, the negativity overwhelmed her and she found herself wallowing in self-pity time and again. But still she carried on, for she understood very well that nothing good would come out from focusing on negative things. She still tries everyday, even now. A baby step a day, maybe, and perhaps two steps back whenever she fails, but still she soldiers on, for to her, it is still a progress, for the sake of good living.

So, it seems to her that, this lady is unworthy of her support anymore. Time heals but she believes you first must allow yourself to open up to accept healing. From her observation, the lady isn't opening her heart and mind to accept any healing. She instead is adamant to stick to building a wall of stony silence around her, perhaps as a fortress to protect herself. It's really a little bit childish to see that behaviour being nurtured even more now rather than trying to move into a more mature way of handling things.

She wishes that the lady could see things, but knowing her character, her strong willed character, she only could feel that it's all in the lady's wish to continue building rather than slowly removing those bricks that she traps herself in. Her lock-down is really self imposed and only she can release herself, if she puts her mind into it. After all, the lady proved that she could break ices of chilly friendship if she put her mind into it. This is only but the same. Will of the mind and heart.

Life is too colourful to be supportive of this childish game any longer. She only wishes the lady good luck to a wonderful life in her self built confinement.

Happy New Year 2012!

Happy New Year 2012!

This wishes this comes early, since it's still within the first week of the new year!

Wishing everyone a blessed and prosperous new year!

I await the coming of the dragon, next!

Once again, Happy New Year!

Missing BearHill

Missing the BearHill of yesteryears! Or specifically of my yester years!

Explorations on bicycles and hanging out in the playground, those were the highlights of my every day then! When popcorn aunty started her weekly business at our still ongoing Wednesday pasar malam, I was a regular customer! Snacking on popcorn packs while on the swing in the playground, chatting and gossiping, or simply just enjoy the evening. I had friends then.

I have to report though, the popcorn quality remains, and the price is still the same after all these years. And I think aunty also didn't change much, same size, same expression, same modus operandi!

brb.. jusco trip beckoning! :D

Oh, sorry about the interruption. I am now back to continue.

Talking about aunty the popcorn seller. One thing for sure is that her lines are getting longer and longer. It's quite impossible to see her taking a break from churning out batches and batches of popcorn from her same old trusty popcorn machine. So nowadays, it's only on the rare occasions of seeing only a few people in front of her stall that I would place my order. Else, I can just forget it!

I missed going rounds, I missed watching kids bringing their dogs out for walks, I missed hanging around at a friend's place, I missed seeing the faces that I used to see then! I guess, like me, they left their nests years ago, hence the missing faces. However, unlike me, they have built their own nests somewhere else, concrete, stable and filled with love.

Anyhow, I can only accept the changes that is now. The past came then to present memories to me and now have to take leave, as in the cycle of life. For without the past leaving, we will never get the future to be the present. My BearHill of yesteryears can only be cherished!