The eXtra length

If you needed going the extra length to get something you badly want, would you consider murder?

I am watching a very highly rated crime investigation series, and today's about a homicide investigation of a young teenage mother, whose body was found in the bonnet of a car in a dumpsite or somewhere like that. She was pregnant when she died, but her baby was not found. In the end of the investigation, the viewers are told that the dead girl was actually banished from her family home due to the out of wedlock and got herself a into a deal that might secure her baby's future, and that later, she changed her mind and wanted to keep her baby, instead of giving it up to a childless couple. She, heavily pregnant then, accidentally died when struggling with the couple during a confrontation, falling down from the stairs. The terrified but desperate husband saved the baby and dumped her body, the only way out, or so they thought.

This made me wonder, would I go the extra mile of resorting to murder to get what I badly want? Have I so far wanted something so badly that I killed for it? I could safely answer no to this but in a future where everything seems more grey than black and white, I really cannot be sure. Although I hope that I would need to resort to that, accidental or not.

Pray to the manifestation of self-control for a better life, better mind.

More in than out

When intake is more than outgoing, when consumption is more than abstaining, when eating is more than burning, it's not a wonder if I am growing heavier and bigger!

Today, again, I went up to the most top floor to utilize the gym room. Again, the treadmill was my target. Again, I was walked, and I ran, and walked, and then ran, and then walked, again. The digital timer didn't even show pass the half hour mark, and already I was panting!

Yes, I panted! Barely running for 5 minutes and already I felt my legs transforming into elephants legs. Boom! Boom! Boom! The poor treadmill shook at every step that I took. Luckily there was no one around to be witness of this abuse. The one lady who were there when I came in left about 10minutes after that. So the elephant leg girl could not in her defense accused anyone else if other occupants complained of slight tremor felt in that building all the while that she was there!

I ended the session with a walk, yes, a walk. I just couldn't run that long. My goal of wanting to achieve a non-stop half an hour run seem like an unachievable dream.

That aside, I could feel myself getting a little dizzy. Looking at my reflection then in the mirror, I saw that I was slightly pale and my whole body was drenched in sweat. Correction, top half of my body, only. Elephant legs and hips was not stressed enough to induce sweat, I guess.

I lingered on for a while in the room, catching my breath, sweating profusely in the mean time. I really felt tired, seriously tired. It was really bad, since I gathered that I didn't even reach the 200 mark in calories burnt.

Back in the hole, guess what was the first thing I did? Yeah, lunched on a big pack of instant noodles with an egg and 4 wantans. And then gobbled up 2 durians.

Now, do you wonder why I lament on how can I lose weight?

Open the Eyes

I must really learn to be unafraid. Or rather, not too timid. That no one's really bothered to look and stare at your dressing, that no one's really that bothered if you are not fluent, that you don't stand out that much, that you are but normal. Farang is but normal.

Walk, talk, eat, listen, do what you want. Open the eyes, smell the roses or perhaps the traffic, listen to the sounds or rather the noise, regardless, don't be afraid to open up. It is then only you would learn and live and learn to love.

Restraining oneself is, sometimes good. Too often, too much, though, it becomes a hindrance in growth. Self-growth, self-reliance, independence.

I am not timid, I mustn't be. The city's far too big, too interesting for me to be holed up here each day, unproductively whiling time away. There is just so much things to learn, to live in, to be part of, to influence and to be influence, than just supermarkets and restaurants and subways!

Neng, song, sam, si, haa... one, two, three, four, five.. open your eyes, open MY eyes!