expansion

how long; but it's only a little over a year,
why so; it's for the brain, to stir and shake, to train it,
think about; all that is around us, and all that is in me.

how now; it's not working, not working,
why so; it's too long apart, too few and too unsubstantial,
think about; all around me, and all that is in me.

how now; start, start, and just start to plough ahead,
why so; no rules, no excuses, and time on hand,
think about; all around me, and all that is in me.

how so; just drop everything in here, everything,
why so; the start, jump on it, and wish hard for all to smoothen out,
think about; around me, in me, nothing and everything.

how much; no limits, no censures, no restrictions and no regrets,
why now; it's a chance presented, so capture it must be,
think about; all around me, and all that is in me.

expansion, verse2

Conformance

Conformance.

I first came across this word when I started my first job. My boss at that was giving me a short run through on the nature of my job when I noticed that the word was littered all over his little speech. And that I all I could remember thinking was, what the heck was he talking about, and what is this conformance thing? I could probably just asked him at that moment, but I did not. I believe, he would confused me even more, since I could not make out the meaning of the word from his little speech.

Then I found, conformance is to conform. And conform means to comply, to follow.
Being in the field that I was then, conforming was a necessity. We had to conform to the rules of the house, we had to ensure our outputs were of conformance to standards set, we even to ensure that we conform to our bosses whims & fancies. Occasionally we got to screw those sources for providing us non-conforming products, which we were not aware of. These were, of course, after we ourselves got screwed for our con-conforming outputs.

It was all part of the daily job. A game of conformance. I played it for almost for 5 years. Sometimes, I played it well, full of motivation, spirit, objectivity and focus. Occasionally, I just turn a blind eye, and let the non-conformance rule. Lately, conforming is just taxing me. I felt drained, and lost. After so long playing this game, finding to conform even the basics is just tiring. And limiting. A little too much conformance, and it's suffocating.

So I left. This game of conformance.

For now. How long will I leave it, I do not want to dwell on that yet. It might be forever, it might not be. All in all, it was the best language lesson that i had for conformance.

And now I open another game of conformance, for me to play.

Conquer the Blocking Wall

I think that i'm facing a major writer's block.

I have 2 essays that I need to complete.
So far, it's just a stuttering attempt to start for the first essay.
It's a reflective essay, whereby I have to write about my experiences in a certain situation. I took to the lecturer's advice and thought, sure I could do this reflective essay. It's free form, not structured, and I just need to think back, remember and put down all those memories into words. Should not be that difficult to do. The most important thing is to get the butt down and start writing.

And so I decided, yeah, I should try to start, soonest.

And start I did, and oh my, what a big, thick wall it was in front of me! I could not even move past the introduction. All the ideas were like jumping, but I could not coaxed them to stay still, and help me tell the tale. They were just jumping around in my head, teasing me, challenging me to catch them, fast. And they jumped around, played around, help with a word or two, but always taking their naps when I needed them!

After about 2-3 hours just thinking of the start to the essay, I gave up. It was terrible, just terrible. Those jumping thoughts were just too much for me. I felt the wall built was just too thick, too high with no stairs or drill to get pass or over it, then.

And so, here I am, again, trying hard to break down the wall that has built up in me.