Conformance

Conformance.

I first came across this word when I started my first job. My boss at that was giving me a short run through on the nature of my job when I noticed that the word was littered all over his little speech. And that I all I could remember thinking was, what the heck was he talking about, and what is this conformance thing? I could probably just asked him at that moment, but I did not. I believe, he would confused me even more, since I could not make out the meaning of the word from his little speech.

Then I found, conformance is to conform. And conform means to comply, to follow.
Being in the field that I was then, conforming was a necessity. We had to conform to the rules of the house, we had to ensure our outputs were of conformance to standards set, we even to ensure that we conform to our bosses whims & fancies. Occasionally we got to screw those sources for providing us non-conforming products, which we were not aware of. These were, of course, after we ourselves got screwed for our con-conforming outputs.

It was all part of the daily job. A game of conformance. I played it for almost for 5 years. Sometimes, I played it well, full of motivation, spirit, objectivity and focus. Occasionally, I just turn a blind eye, and let the non-conformance rule. Lately, conforming is just taxing me. I felt drained, and lost. After so long playing this game, finding to conform even the basics is just tiring. And limiting. A little too much conformance, and it's suffocating.

So I left. This game of conformance.

For now. How long will I leave it, I do not want to dwell on that yet. It might be forever, it might not be. All in all, it was the best language lesson that i had for conformance.

And now I open another game of conformance, for me to play.

Conquer the Blocking Wall

I think that i'm facing a major writer's block.

I have 2 essays that I need to complete.
So far, it's just a stuttering attempt to start for the first essay.
It's a reflective essay, whereby I have to write about my experiences in a certain situation. I took to the lecturer's advice and thought, sure I could do this reflective essay. It's free form, not structured, and I just need to think back, remember and put down all those memories into words. Should not be that difficult to do. The most important thing is to get the butt down and start writing.

And so I decided, yeah, I should try to start, soonest.

And start I did, and oh my, what a big, thick wall it was in front of me! I could not even move past the introduction. All the ideas were like jumping, but I could not coaxed them to stay still, and help me tell the tale. They were just jumping around in my head, teasing me, challenging me to catch them, fast. And they jumped around, played around, help with a word or two, but always taking their naps when I needed them!

After about 2-3 hours just thinking of the start to the essay, I gave up. It was terrible, just terrible. Those jumping thoughts were just too much for me. I felt the wall built was just too thick, too high with no stairs or drill to get pass or over it, then.

And so, here I am, again, trying hard to break down the wall that has built up in me.

a little more courage, please

Looking back, the last I posted was more than a month ago.
I did not visit this site as often as I wanted to.
Guess I was just too lazy to make the effort, if that's the honest explanation.
Now, it's the new year of 2008.
With renewed hope, we thread into this new year, hoping for the better to come by.
We look for signs, we wait for signals, but we forgot, all we need to do is continue to trust and take heed that all will be well.
But will they be well?
If days leading into the new year presented their challenging selves to you, would you questioned faith, and asked why me? It's started with a car breakdown, for still unknown reasons, and then sickness, until now, to extend that i have to take a day's of medical leave from work. It's been more than a week now, and I really hope that I will just get better from now.

A friend of mine, had even more challenges thrown to her. It started way earlier, when she had her out-station duties. That was about over 2 months ago and they have yet to seems to want to slow down. Just 2 days ago, she was involved in an accident.

Sigh, the right thing to is to continue to march on, to take things, these challenges as they present themselves to us, and hopefully, prevent one and learn from them in the process.
But the right thing to do is always easier said, and written, and thought.
It's doing the right thing that is the challenge, and doing it at the right time, the most challenging.

I am creature of habit and in this new year, after sickly start, this coffee addict just wants to have things done, and done right at the right time.
In other words, she just wants courage, a little more, please.
I am, but a coffee addict.