books

can books help me, now?

they always did, before.

A N G E L

A N G E L,

fall beside me,

land behind me,

walk around me.

A N G E L,

whisper into me,

caress my thoughts,

hug my heart.

A N G E L,

you be mine,

you save me,

please.

A N G E L,

just an angel,

be an angel,

for an angel?

p/s: inspired by the angel advertisement, yevaB, and my heart.

The Cause of Regression

**** ****

What happens when you are the stumbling block to your significant other?

What happens when you are the producer of moribundity to your significant other?

You bring not sunshine and progress but overcast and barriers.

You rain acid water that only hinders growth.

**** ****

Are you then, the significant other in the life of your significant other?

Should you then still be the significant other of the life of you significant other?

Would you undo then, if you could, to be the significant other of the life of your significant other?

Lest if you don't, you would be the significant other that caused the downfall of his Eden.

**** ****

The Gun has been pointed in your head, what should you do?

The Knife has been held at your neck, what could you do?

You have reached the end of the plank before the giant ocean, what would you do?

What should you do, what could you do, what would you do?

**** ****

You are the Cause of Regression.

You are the Dimmer of Lights.

You are the Prisoner of Souls.

You are the Killer of Dreams.

**** ****

Pit Stop

Our pit stop for the evening was at the smaller, higher Gunting Lagadan hut. The 150 m hike up to our pit stop for the evening was not difficult, but fatigue and heavy drizzle made it tricky. Again, we had to climb a number of flight of the narrow stairs at certain areas. There were also lots of puddles of water on the trek. Just as before, at certain areas we had to pass through those natural stone steps, which were extra slippery due to the drizzle.

We 2 girls led the trek this time, with Number 3 trekking slightly slower to accompany a very exhausted Number 4. Indeed, he was not in a very good shape and the fact that we all left Laban Rata Resthouse at the same time meant that he did not get to rest as long as we did. As the mist grew and we got higher in altitude, all of us got tired easier. It was just the matter of whose body could recover and adjust better to the different altitude. The 3 of us were still doing not too bad, but Number 4 really had to dig deep to make to the hut.

It was a welcome relief when we finally reached the hut. Our room, again 001, was the closest to the side entrance. At that time, we didn't think much of it, or at least, I didn't. However, as the evening progressed and more and more of it's occupants came in, being placed in the first room was certainly a disadvantage. Tired but excited people were coming through the door, with no disregard to those had already called in for the day and were trying to sleep. We could hear them talking so loudly, discussing their trek, their rooms, their conditions, everything! If only I was not in the upper bunk and it wasn't so cold, I would had properly gone out and passed a copy of the house rules to them myself. I believe these laminated house rules were in every room of that hut, encouraging people to be mindful of those who were already there.

As soon as we got settled in our rooms, we got ready to catch some rest. It was freezing cold and any desires that I harboured about taking a bath, I abandon it almost immediately. Furthermore, there wasn't any hot water available in that place. So, both Yin and I favoured to just wash ourselves up instead of taking a bath. I had to wash my feet and lower legs, for I wore only shorts for the earlier hike. Even then, the water was freezing cold! As fast as I could, I got it done, changed into a new set of clothes and got out. Outside, I washed my face and brushed my teeth as Yin went to wash herself up. We just did everything as fast as possible and got back into our rooms. The guys had washed up before us and while they were at it, we packed up the bag that we would carry for the final hike up to the submit.

As we opened the door to our room, we saw that the two guys were already lying snugly under their covers, with only their faces visible. We tried to be as quiet as we could, putting our things, getting ready for the night. One funny moment was Yin still had to change into her pants before sleeping. And she had mentioned, while we were in the toilet, that the guys had agreed to go out of the room for awhile to allow us to change. Upon seeing this, I told her to just forget about getting them out of their warm blankets. Instead, I asked to stand the corner between our bunk beds and the back of the door, while I held open the big towel to cover her. She was a little hesitant as first, but I coaxed to get along with it, assuring her that the guys wouldn't peek. Whether she bought it or not, quickly, she took her pants off and put the clean one on. The space was tight, and seeing her trying to change quietly while keeping her balance was a little funny. I laughed, a silent laugh.

I also remember that we both then rubbed some Counterpain on Yin's thigh. She was already feeling the soreness and some slight pain from the 8 hours trekking we did. So, after she had applied some on both of her thigh, she rubbed them. I helped her rubbed the left thigh, while she rubbed the right side. We did that almost half a minute, else a slightly longer, just to help the muscle relax a little. We certainly could not afford a muscle cramp or pull that night. Both guys already had their Counterpain fixes.

After that, I climbed up to the upper bunk. At Gunting Lagadan, each bed is equipped with 2 blankets. So, you can imagine how cold it was, especially to us, Malaysian who are used to temperate conditions. This time was smarter, but still not smart enough. I put my little ankle socks on, the only dry pair I was left with. Then, I rubbed my legs with some ointment, supposedly to help the muscles of my sore and tired legs relax. No Counterpain for me. I rubbed on for awhile before getting under the blankets.

Under the blankets, I tried to sleep. Once again, sleeplessness plagued me. It must be the cold, for even with the socks, I could feel my feet freezing slowly. The socks didn't seem to help at all. I did feel the warmth from the ointment though. However, slowly as the effect wore off, my whole body could sense the coldness of the room. Laying still, I would shiver, so I tossed and turned now and again. I could hear my brain sighing, another long night beckons.

Somewhere after we all had lain in bed for quite awhile, after the noisy entrance by some new arrivals to the hut, one of the four of us must had spoken out loud, I recalled that we started talking for awhile. I recollect Number 3 and me, we both were in the upper bunks of the twin double decker bed, complaining that it was just so cold, while Number 1 and 4 were saying that they were not cold, with Number 4 going to the extreme by saying he was hot!

It must had been my lucky night I guess. I think I went out for a pee and when I came back into the room, I had foraged in the bag for my winter jacket, my last resort to keep myself warm. But I do recall getting Yin to pass me things up, things like another pair of pants and my gloves. So, I'm not too sure how it went, perhaps it was a combination of both, perhaps just one way or the other, but certainly, I went up again to my bed, all wrapped up. The pants were worn half way, to cover my poor frozen feet, while the jacket wrapped my body. My hands were gloved.

It was then too, that Number 4 asked if I would like to have his blanket. He said he was just too hot underneath them. My lucky day! I couldn't deny, and took it. Under the wraps of three blankets for that night, I tried to get some sleep. The cold was slightly more bearable now. My feet were a little warmer. By the way, I'm not sure at which point, but I even resorted to down some chocolate to keep warm, with the rational that chocolates will provide more energy to burn!

It must had helped, for after quite a long while, which I must had dozed off for while, I woke up, feeling too hot! I am not sure if I had sweat then, but I remember feeling so warm that I considered to take off my winter jacket. I didn't do it straightaway, but one by one they came off. First, the gloves. Then, the jacket came off. Then, I gathered one of the blanket to hug it. I felt so much better. I couldn't believe that I would be actually be feeling hot in such a cold night. The chocolate, the jacket, the extra blanket, either one of them or the combined effect of all of them proved to be too much.

I dozed off after that, I am sure of it, although it wasn't a tranquil sleep. I woke up a few times, turned about, and must had dozed off again. As the night progressed, I remember thinking, please don't let the time pass too fast, and let us get more rest. Please let us sleep and get enough rest for the final push to the submit.

At 1am, I heard my alarm rang. I let it snoozed for awhile. I laid still in bed, under the covers. I could feel more exhaustion in myself. The dozing on and off must had tire me even more. My head felt slightly heavier than before I slept. I could hear some movement outside already, people from other rooms getting themselves ready. After about half an hour, I sat up.

Pit stop had been completed. It was time to get ready for our final push to the submit, I told myself.

The adventures of the Rabbit and the Tortoises

Looking back now, I realized that I could not recall much of the trekking process. However, I will try my best to remember all the details, and jot them down here accurately. Again, this proves that I am getting old, and the need to rush to get things out.

I recall, we had to walk a slight uphill once we passed the gates of Mesilau trail, using semi-formed steps of earth and some rocks. While it was not muddy, it was slightly damn. Perhaps due to the rain the day before. All around us were trees, shrubs and greenery, and oh, of course, cold weather.

I was the last of my group. We walked in single file, with Number 4 moving ahead faster than the rest of us. Being fit and having lots of trekking experience gave him the advantage, I guessed. Number 3 and Number 2 were next, with me and the Australian lady trekker following behind. Our guide were behind all of us. We didn't talk much, nor stopped to take photos photographs during the initial stage of the walk. At the most, the four of us spoke about the designations for us, and perhaps the weather. We might have talked about our targeted reaching time.

I walked as best as I could. It easier for me, as Number 3 was carrying all the baggage in her backpack. I had only to carry my lunch bag, some bottles of water, and a pouch at my waist. Still, I felt that they were going on well, and I had to do my best to keep up with the three of them. I believe, Number 4 was much ahead of us, although we could still see him.

The jungle was quiet apart from the sound of our footsteps and our occasional conversations. I was a little anxious, afraid that I might get bitten by mosquitoes or other insects, since I was wearing shorts. I had brought along the mosquito repellent but had not applied it. So far, I had yet to be attacked. Also, I was a little worried that I might get tired fast, knowing full well that I had not trained or prepared myself adequately for this.

We had walked for about 45 minutes thereabouts before we saw the marker for the 1st km. It was a good achievement. I don't remember if it was uphill all the way or not, but I felt a little elated when I saw the marker. We stopped, and took a group photo. Our guide helped us. I guessed it must had been there that we decided to take photos at all the route markers.

It was probably after that too Number 4 decided to go faster. He had said, after the climb, that he had to push faster before he got tired and lost his momentum. The three of us were left behind, walking in almost similar pace, with Number 1 wedged between myself and Number 3. The Australian lady was between and Aida, who went last. So, it was like that for most of the time in the earlier trek, the three of us with the Australian lady, with our guide walking steadily. Sometimes, Number 1 led, sometimes the Australian lady past us. Most of the time, I was at the back, chatting with Aida, for the initial part of the trek.

The three of us reached the km2 marker at about twenty minutes past nine o'clock, I think. By then, Number 4 had mostly probably sped ahead and was nowhere to be seen. Aida helped us take a group photo of the 3 of us, while we took the opportunity to catch our breath and snapped a few more pictures. It was a short stop, and before long, we made our way again.

The trek was not difficult, but yet not easy. Sometimes we had to climb up on stairs made of narrow planks, with one plank for each step and a simple hand rail for extra support. Sometimes, we had to climb down those stairs. Other times, we had to walk uphill and then downhill, climbing on rocks that formed natural steps. Occasionally, we walked at the edge of the trek to avoid mud puddles. You could just step into them, if you liked, but we didn't if we could avoid them. Somewhere along, while trekking downhill, a group of Koreans aunties and uncles passed us. Somewhere further along, another group past us, this time young Westerners.

I remembered one part of the trekking which slowed me down considerably. We had to climb down stairs, again those one narrow plank per step stairs. This was one of the steeper ones. Number 1 had gone first followed by Number 3. She was almost at the bottom when I started, while Number 3 was in between both of us, closer to me. Suddenly, I heard something dropped. I looked down, and saw Number 3 had dropped his walking stick. Luckily for him, it slid straight down to Number 1. She caught it and held it for him while he cautiously made his way down.

And there I was still almost the beginning of the steps. I had looked down, and saw the bottom beyond the steps. I knew I felt a little chilled, for I have to admit that I do have a little fear of heights. Beneath was probably just a shallow stream, nothing that could kill us if we were just unlucky to fall down. Yet, the fear just came over me. I had to stand facing the handrail, went down a step at a time, steady myself after each step was taken, all the while holding the handrail with both hands.

I knew it took me a very, very long time just get down that short flight of stairs of just about 8 to 10 steps, if not less. The sense of relief that came to me once I was down, was just immeasurable. I believed I took some deep breaths before continuing. At that time, our guide was somewhere behind us. When I started, I actually couldn't see my two friends, who by then had covered quite a distant from me. If I didn't speed up a little, I would had probably been left behind. I think I had to trek faster for a full 2 minutes or so to catch up with them. Luckily for me, that was the only time that I got stuck badly.

Although we had said we wanted to take pictures at each km marker, we didn't. We only took at some points. I guessed we were just tired and to a certain extend, lazy to take the cameras out. Especially when it started to drizzle. Yin was very protective of her camera, while I had not bring mine along during the trek as I had ran out of batteries the day before. Yes, it was bad of me! We did take some photos here and there, but not too many. Still, I think we took enough to remind us of the nature we saw there. And of course, of the adventures of our trekking!

Somewhere along, we met Number 4 again. He had stopped in the middle of the jungle path, catching his breath. With his mouth opened and sweat dripping, body stooping slightly, he looked like an exaggerated cartoon character. We couldn't resist making fun of him when we saw him, delighted to see him, yet couldn't believe that we caught up with him. He tried to save some ego by saying how tired he was, and that his injured back was finally taking a toll on him. We believed him, yet we still couldn't resist poking fun at him, calling him the rabbit, of the tale the hare and the tortoise.

At km4.8, we stopped at one of the many rest hut along the way and had our lunch. This is the usual stop for trekkers to have their lunch. The Koreans were there, also having theirs. We took that time to take a break, our first and only long break of the day's trek. Yin and I shared our lunch. We gobbled down 3 sets of sandwiches and a banana each, and shared a boiled egg. The sandwiches were surprisingly good. The remaining food, we combined and packed. The guys managed to finish almost all of their food, with only bananas and an egg remaining between them. They must had been ravishing!

Along the way, we came upon rest huts, strategically placed at intervals of a kilometer or so. There, you could refill your bottle of water with untreated mountain water if you wanted. We girls didn't but Number 3 did. Instead, we were on a mission to slowly drink our supply of water and isotonic water throughout our trek. Firstly, of course, to make sure we were properly hydrated at all times, and secondly, to slowly lighten the weight of our backpack. We had brought along some isotonic drinks, 100plus and indeed, that was a great decision. That drink certainly helped us along the way, especially along the second part of ascend towards Laban Rata Resthouse.

I must state here, so that I would remember later on. We started again after lunch. We were back to four then. About 10 to 20 minutes trekking after lunch, we came about an area where the view was simply marvelous. It reminded me of the movie Lord of the Rings. With the mist engulfing the area, the scenery was dream-like. I couldn't resist myself and took some snaps then. I must had been a little too long, seeing the eagerness in Number 4's face, raring to move forward. I stepped aside, and off he went. About 10 meters ahead of us, he stopped, turned around and waved at us. I took a shot of that and then he took off. It was a nice memory.

Looking at the photo now, he really looked so tiny in a forest encroached with mist. It was almost like a picture straight out from a fairy tale, where a little pixie appeared, waved and then vanished again. That scene too became the reminder of why he was nicknamed the 'rabbit', just like the hare from the tale, hare and the tortoise.

We reached the junction where the Timpohon and Mesilau Trial met around half past 1, perhaps. I couldn't recall. What I remember was, the trail after that was very much steeper and more stony. I had actually start to climb or crawl at times, to be more accurate, using all fours. We also met quite a number of climbers making their way down, porters carrying goods up, and people like us, going upwards. Many times, we stepped aside to let those coming down to go first and many times too, they did the same for us. Those coming down did something else too, they were encouraging us and others going up, not to give up. Even the porters and others guides did the same. Always encouraging us, always telling us, just a little more, push for it. It was a pleasant experience, everyone forgot who they were before they came, I think. There, we were just hikers/climbers, trying to submit the highest peak in Southeast Asia. Or had already been captivated by nature's wonder. I like the atmosphere then.

Not too sure when but we passed our friend, Number 4 once again. He was really looking in a bad shape. He was exhausted and his back hurt, he said. He was resting when we bumped into him. We couldn't do much. We offered to walk together, but he gestured us to move forward, if I was not mistaken. Anyhow, the three of us moved forward, letting our guide walk with him. We had to maintain the momentum before we got too tired ourselves. And so, that was how we ended up being accused as abandoning our friend, Number 4, the rabbit. That was how the 3 tortoises went on with the trekking, slowly but steadily, passing the rabbit and made their way to Laban Rata Resthouse before the Rabbit.

It was also probably after the junction of Timpohon and Mesilau Trails, heading forward on the Submit Trail, that I started snacking on my chocolate bars. Again, this is another great tip to follow. The bars were a great source of energy. I knew that exhaustion was slowly kicking into me. I could feel myself losing concentration. And so I decided to snack and bit into my chocolate bar. The effect wasn't instantaneous but after a while, I could feel my concentration coming back. It was just great. I don't how I could move forward without my bars of chocolates. They were lifesavers, mine!

We reached Laban Rata Resthouse, the stoppoint for the day, at about quarter to four in the evening. By then, it was already drizzling steadily for almost an hour. All the three of us were so elated when we saw the sign showing Laban Rata Resthouse. All the tiredness were forgotten momentarily. We took some pictures to commemorate our accomplishment. At the front of the entrance to the resthouse, at the verandah, we had someone help us took a group photo. Three very exhausted but very excited and delighted people to be there.

The place was buzzing with activities. Quite a number of groups of people were already there, sipping their drinks, relaxing. The Koreans were there, the group of Westerners were there. Not all the tables were occupied yet. We took ours at the back, taking 2 adjoining tables for 6 seats, in anticipation of the arrival of our friend and our guide. The dinner buffet would only start at half past four, we were told. So we took the time to unwind. We peeled off the raincoats and jackets and hung them over the back of the chairs to air them. I took off my shoes and pull off my socks. They were damp. I cleaned my legs as best as I could, wiping the specks of mud off using damp tissues before using some sanitizing gel.

It felt good to rest then, after trekking close to 8 hours, with only short breaks in between. We didn't realize how early we arrived at that point, until, as we sat, we saw more and more people coming in and the empty seats slowly filling up.

Our friend and the guide came in around half past four, the time the dinner buffet started. He looked so exhausted. It was good that we had a seat ready for him. He plonked himself down immediately. After he regained his composure, he mentioned that it was already drizzling hard outside. He had to push himself hard to move forward. He was just so close to giving up. But the thought he had made the journey all the way here, the amount of money and time invested for this trip, made him go forward. Salute! Unfortunately, due to rules and regulation, there were a place dedicated for guides and porters to rest, which was not there in the dinner hall.

I treated myself to a cup of warm water first, before going for the coffee. We joined the dinner queue. The food served was good, actually, especially the banana fritters. I liked them a lot! I took some rice, vegetables, beef, and chicken, forgoing the fried omelette with onions. We ate heartily. Eventhough we were interrupted to clear our things from of the seats to make way for other people, it didn't bother me. Instead, I felt this was the way we should all be living, polite, helpful and kind to others all the time. I took my 3rd and 4th cup of coffee for the day there.

Number 3 went to register our names and brought the given towels for our overnight lodging, which was another 150 m hike up, to a smaller rest hut named Gunting Lagadan. We didn't linger long in the dinner area, firstly to make way for others who were still coming up and needed the seats, and secondly, to avoid heavy rain as much as we could. Already we couldn't see much outside of the window, as the thick mist was circling the place and a slight drizzle had started again. Gathering our things, we left, grateful that we made it there, safe and sound without much issues. We had completed the first part of our ascend, the 8km trek! Well done, all!

In a rush..

~ Intermission ~

In a rush to immortalize all of them before they start deserting me, one by one.

Please, help me help myself.

~ End ~

And the Gates Opened..

The group of us, 2 girls and 2 guys, had our breakfast at the restaurant of Mesilau Nature Resort, the place we spent the night. It was a buffet spread of mainly local food with some western staples of omelettes, cereals, and pancakes. The food was good and I had 2 cups of coffee, above my usual ration of one cup each morning. We all ate till we were full, though we didn't stuff ourselves silly, heeding the advice of our tour guide.

Once breakfast and toilet visits were done, we set off to the Mesilau Nature Resort's administration office. Our ever reliant tour guide had already walked first with our lunch bags in hand. Once we arrived at the lower part of the administration office, we were given our lunch bags and duly introduced to our mountain guide for the first time. Aida is a petitie young lady, from the local Dusun tribe. We would later find out that she's just 23 years old and had only been a mountain guide for over a year or so.

We then proceeded up to the office, where we had our luggage weighted and agreed on the price to carry our luggage. Since we only had a bag to bring up, Aida had do it herself. Our luggage weighted 7.5 kg and since we agreed on the sum of RM10 per kg, we would have to pay her RM75. We didn't make the payment right away, though. Perhaps, later, after descending. That one bag held things for 3 of us, while the 4th guy opted to carry all of his things in his backpack.

That settled, we then were advised to do some warming up. I felt awkward having to do so with people that I just met, and doing it in front of an office, where there were at least 2 other guys sitting nearby. Nonetheless, safety first, I moved along, stretching my arms and legs as best as I could. I knew very little stretching moves, and did what I usual do before my badminton sessions.

The gate of the submit trail was just beside the office door. The weather was looking fine, though I could see some mist around here. Jackz, our tour guide, gave the prediction it would mostly likely rain, based on that. That unsettled me a little. I moved towards Aida and asked if a disposable raincoat would be able to withstand the batterings from heavy rains. She said, probably not or something along the lines.

Jackz tried to psyched us and gave us words of encouragement. He then unlocked the gate to the Submit Trail. One by one, entered through the gate, the start of our trekking. Number 4 went first, followed by Number 3, then Number 1 and me, Number 2. Yes, we decided to adhere with local believes and instead of using our real names in the jungle, we would just identify ourselves with our numbers on the tag. Better be safe than sorry, I guess.

Aida went after me, the weight of her bag and our bag at her shoulders. She was only wearing a simple pair of sandals, without socks and the aide of a walking stick. As the mountain guide, she was the sweeper, going last so as to ensure none of her charges were left behind. There was one other woman behind us, an Australian, who was taking only on a jungle trek.

Thus, we started our trek of the Submit Trail via the Mesilau Gate at about eight in the morning of 25th April 2011, a Monday, when most other people were getting ready for work. The inexperience trekkers labelled Number 1, 2, and 3, each with a pair of black Adidas Kampung at their feet and a walking stick in their hands, respectively, while Number 4, the experienced trekker who had gone up Gunung Ledang, with his trusty shoes and no desire for the walking stick, started their journey to ascend the highest peak in Southeast Asia!

Sleepless in Bishop Head1

It had been a long, cold night before. I was having trouble sleeping. Perhaps it was the cold, perhaps I was just too anxious. I believed Yin and I hit the beds around eleven that night, with the idea of giving our body ample rest before our attack on the submit trail of Mount Kinabalu. It might had been earlier, I could not recall for sure, but certainly, long after the lights were switched off, on the lower bunk bed furthest from the door of the room01 of Bishop Head 1 of the Mesilau Nature Resort, I tossed and turned in bed!

The cold was just overbearing. I could feel my toes getting cold first. The blankets were not adequate enough to keep me warm. The extra pillow I took from the empty bunk bed above me, I placed it over my toes. I had hoped it would help to keep them warm. After a while, I realized it was not working. I tried another way, slipping my feet inside the cover of the pillow. I knew it would not help much either, but at least when I turned about in bed, the pillow followed my feet.

As soon as I laid still, I could feel myself freezing up. The cold was a little unbearable for me. I tried to lay on my left side, facing Yin. She was having an easier time, or at least I thought. She laid still, not moving as much as I did. Perhaps, she was already asleep, I thought. I tried to consciously remind myself not to make too much noise whenever I had to turn about.

The night felt very long, very quiet. Even with the blankets covered right up under my chin, sometimes until only my nose and above it left exposed, I felt cold. Often, if I lay still for too long, I would shiver. Thoughts of getting more clothes and socks from the bag crossed my mind. But I didn't want to get out from the wrapped that I had built and lost what little warmth I had managed to trap under the covers. Furthermore, the bag had been packed, and I didn't think it was wise to unpack it, at such hour.

As the night moved on, I must had dozed off for some time, for I remembered being awaken by the sound of people walking outside, at the corridor. Or so I thought. I realized later that it was Yin, coming into the room, perhaps after visiting the loo. I was lying on my back then, trying to sleep. I could hear her getting back to bed, pulling the covers, adjusting herself in bed. I wondered what time it was then. I had thought it must had been near to the hours to rise, as I had felt like ages lying there, exhausted from trying to sleep. I was surprised to find out that it was only some time past one in the morning when I checked for the time, though I cannot recall the exact time now.

It was going to be a long night, no doubt. My thoughts were flying, yet I knew that I had to sleep. Without getting enough sleep, I would be tired faster when the hike started and my ascend to the peak might be severely compromised. But it was just too cold to sleep. When I lay still for too long, trying to calm myself so that I could sleep, it got too cold that I shivered. When I rubbed myself or tossed about, I got more active. Lost, I realized, good sleep would be impossible that night. I had to just do with what I could.

And so, I told myself not to think about the cold. The cold is just in your mind, someone had told me. I tried to force myself to believe that, and laid still, eyes closed. After a while, I tried to think of nothing, to clear my mind. If I could not sleep, at least I must try to relax myself. Let my mind to rest. That would be better than not getting any rest at all.

It must had worked a little. In the morning, again, I felt myself jolted up awake. I had the urge to go to pee, though not urgent. It must had been cold getting into my body system. I checked the time, almost nearing the hour to wake up. I laid in bed, waited for the urge to be stronger, to be more urgent. I didn't want get out of my blanket into the cold room. It was awhile before I left the bed, almost more than half an hour, almost nearly six in the morning, the time we agreed to wake up.

My movement must had woken Yin up, for she spoke to me. Thus, we rose to start the day of our bid to the submit of Mount Kinabalu, after battling the cold night. I could not specifically recall the details of what we did right after we decided to wake up, but in our early morning chat, I found out that she too had trouble sleeping. That she too, thought I had slept well. But she was far more layered then when she had gone to bed. Yin had, in the night, at that one time that I saw her back into the room, put on another set of clothes over the one she was wearing before getting back to bed. Smart gal!

Our guide, when we met him to go for breakfast together, did mentioned that he too found it difficult to sleep. That it was an exceptionally colder night compared to the previous times he was there. The other 2 guys, when asked, too experienced the same. The night was simply too cold for them to get a good night's rest, as well.

And that was how the four of us started climbing adventures, sleepless in the cold night at Mesilau Nature Resort's Bishop Head 1, rooms01 and 04, respectively.

Back to Basics

I personally believe that I'd lost the ability to concentrate long enough to efficient conduct critical thinking. I find it is getting more and more difficult every time I try to make an entry over here. While I feel that I want to write and make entries over here, they always end up being saved as drafts and never got continued. The few ones that made the entries this year were really draggy and way off the mark of what I intent to express, or at least I think I want to express.

I seem to lose my ability to express myself clearly. Seems like that happens in parallel when you are unable to focus long enough on a subject to clearly understand it. As a result, I would think I know a subject but yet, when questioned, I would not necessary be able to explain what I thought I knew.

I remember writing about quantity vs quality once. The concept of just practice makes perfect applying even to composition aspect of writing. I am keen to reapply that again. I am desperate to be able to express myself of late.

And while I have been reading a lot lately, I feel that the reading can be improve as well. I realized the reading done for the past few months had been of low quality as I took too long to finish up a book, with one spreading over almost a month! I gained nothing much from those reading, as I absorbed very little of the words, the styles, and could not recounts the tales again in my own words.

Just maybe I must just go back to the basics and do everything, one at a time. Set aside some time to only read and understand. Then think of a subject and write. No distractions and no ambitions. Turn it into a habit. Perhaps then, my ability to concentrate will improve. And with that, to carry out critical thinking better. I pray.

Remember being Enthralled

The cold wind blew strongly, enough to make me stop in my tracks to steady myself. I closed my eyes and let the wind blew into my face. The coldness was refreshing.

It was still very early in the morning, nearly six. Already, it was bright, with the sun beaming it's warm rays gently all around. A steady stream of hikers were making their descend down the slope, some going fast while others taking time to check their footings, all of them careful though.

I decided to remove my hood. I wanted to feel the breeze going through my hair. The sun's warmth would be enough to prevent me from freezing. Again, I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the moment. Short but enough to spur to me to move on. Towards the goal, my goal, our goal, the peak!

I quickly continued upwards, taking steady steps along the trail. My other 3 friends, along with the guide, had already almost reached the peak. Patiently they waited in queue, in front of the plague proclaiming Low's Peak and it's height of 4095.2m above sea level. A group of climbers were happily posing for their pictures to be taken.

As I caught with my friends, I too joined the crowd in queuing. In the wait, seeing the joy and exhilaration on faces of fellow climbers, I noticed a kind of camaraderie built on the foundations of pride. Proud that we made it to the top. It didn't matter if we were all strangers, everyone smiled proudly to each other. Congratulations were heard at every where.

The only regret I had was we only had a few minutes to pose with the proclamation plague. I would love to be able to get more shots of us there, but there were many others waiting in line for their proud moment to be recorded. We snapped a few pictures and wandered away.

That was when I slowed down, looked up and around, and was awe-struck! Awe over the sight that surrounded me. Never in my life had I seen landscape such like it. White clouds spread all over, like surface of a cake, while the various peaks of the mountain stood magnificently, waiting to be admired.

I realized that I needed to take in the beauty as much as I could for as long as I could. I managed to squeezed my way through to get around the other side of the plaque, sitting at the edge of a rock by a cliff. Only 3 metal wires were holding people back from falling over.

I sat and stared. In front of me, the sun shone slightly above the span of rock formation on the opposite, with a deep valley separating us. The view was simply stunning to me, nature at it's gloriest that I'd seen. With clouds fringing the massive spread of rocks, I really felt like it was heaven, and I was very lucky indeed to have been there.

I remember thinking we were just like little ants on a huge rock. While we basked in the sun, while we basked in the joy of our achievement, while cameras snapped away, we should never forget to behold the magnificent beauty in our eyes and forever embed it into our minds. I remember wanting to sit there, for while if not for the day, just to savour as much as possible of nature's gift to mankind. I voted against taking out my phone to record the splendid view of the peak. I voted to let my mind be exercised to detail out and treasure that moment. I calmed down and looked.

Getting our photos taken at the proclamation plague didn't seem that important to me anymore. Remembering that magnificent view of the peak, the feeling of reaching the peak and the feeling of being enthralled by nature's work became far more important to me. Knowing I was there, and that I made it. Heaven on earth.