we must continue to trust and have faith

Sometimes, we just have to trust. Trust in others to make our day. Like mine yesterday.
I had wanted to wash and clean up the place i was staying. It was getting a little to dusty for my liking. And since i do not have spare sets for things like, curtains, blanket, and some pillow cases, i knew it would be a challenge to have them wash in this unpredictable weather lately. Furthermore, working does not give you the luxury to able to keep an eye on the weather while you hang out the wash.

So yesterday, with the foremost aim of wanting to have my blanket washed, i woke up early. A little early for a sunday i guess. Peeping at the window to check out the weather status, i managed to convince myself that the clear sunny weather is waiting to serve me. Somewhat slightly blurry, i gathered my dirty clothes and blanket, and put them to launder.

It was really a good day for doing laundry i think. By the time the first washing was done, the sun was shining hot, and strong. Yes, correct, the first washing. Second washing was for the floor rags from all over the places, about 5 of them dirty, dusty pieces. These went in with the room curtains, all 3 of them. Well, it was time to rid the the dust and give my nose some cleaner air to breath.

It was collecting my blanket that the sun decided it wanted to take a break. It went for a little break behind the clouds, but I did not know that at that time. It had look as though again, i had to leave all the curtains and rags to dry for days, yet again. So I wished.

I wished that god will just let the sun shine strong for another 1 hour, just one hour so that they curtains could get a headstart in drying. The rags i was not so worried about, as there were some spares here. It was the curtains. Undried curtains meant uncurtained bedroom windows. And i definately would not like that.

And then god showed how merciful he could be! He have me the whole afternoon of hot, shining sun! All that need to dry, dried, and all that need airing, got their chance. I even managed to wash my car, and it could dry.

Guess it goes to show that we must not lose faith. We must continue to trust, and trust and do the best. The rest, they say, would be taken care of, sometimes, if not always for our best interest.

:: morning..all :) ::

Good morning, selamat pagi, zhao an hao, ohaiyo :)
It's friday, yet again.
I want to wish all my friends, family, and those who knows me, good luck and be happy always.
I do hope that all of you are feeling as good as me right now, if not better.
It's friday, and like the week, i hope that today will breeze pass, but not too fast, as i want to still be able to smell the breeze, enjoy the life, and have a thought.
Hope the good feeling will last..
Have a good day, to start a great weekend!

How Do I Look For Chipsmore?

How do I look for Chipsmore?
I have things that I want to say to you,
I have things that I want to share with you,
And that I think you can understand.
But where is Chipsmore?

I have mailed Chipsmore,
But there is not much response;
I have status-ed Chipsmore in messenger,
But there is no acknowledgement;
I badly want to call Chipsmore,
But it's the number's not available.
How else do I look for Chipsmore?

Where is Chipsmore?
Where have you been?
In the nice ends of the alphabets you sat before,
Now you have disappeared,
Could you have hidden amongst the 26 stops?
Or have abandoned all to mend a broken heart?
And decided to be a true-blue Chipsmore?
Now you see it, now you dont?

Note :- with thoughts of a talented young person, currently lost in the rat race of his lifetime -:

Serenity of Mornings -:-

I like mornings. I feel that I am more happy in this stretch of the day. When most beings are still sleep, when the sun has yet to shine her smile, when the air is still cool and refreshing. The stillness, but with occasional cars passing by, depending where you are staying, makes me easier to focus my thinking. I guess then, it's not a wonder, if most of my blogs came by in the mornings.

Yeah, some people might think that it's very weird to have a twenty something person to wake up so early in the morning, when she doesn't have to. This is but old people's habit, in a way, forcedly develop habit. Insomnia. I dont have it, so do not wonder.

Maybe it's in the character and the environment around me, now and before, which cultivated my preference of this time of the day. Before, when I was a student, waking up early was a normal thing, as we had to go to school quite early in the morning, just to minimize the traveling time and also to make sure all of us would be on time. Then when was stuck trying to get scroll of education, waking up early became an option, as I wanted to be alone and not be minded by the sounds of laughter in the hall way, or chattings, or screamings. I guess, that really kind develop the habit of waking up early to do my things. While the world is sleeping away.

I like the feeling of slowly seeing the world around you illuminate. It's a nice feeling, a wonder which will sweep across me. I'd think that another day is here, some more hours presented to you to make your most, or your worst. sometimes, I would just wonder, what if time just stood still, then I will be awake to see others stuck in their dreams? It's just a wonder, when thoughts are racing.

The freshness of air, the quietness of place, gives me a kind a serenity, peacefulness coupled with the fact that my mind is yet to be exposed to the witches and ghouls for that day. Other parts of day seldom could give me this feeling of stability.

So, to the world, and all, a very good morning.
Awaiting the sun to make THE entrance of the day.

: : cherished always : :

in-cherishment to a friend, do take care.
it's a scary thing, which i dare not venture into.
it's nothing of not trusting you, but more to not believing in myself.
and yes, i still remember.
no details, not all, not like you, but the feeling, the trust.
it's difficult now, when all confidence is not intact in me.
the hope for now, is building the friendship again.
to start again, to make us trust in each other.
more than that, i do not have the confidence to give.
and to receive.

cherished always, just know that, if you came across this..
it's for you, and it's you

Rider of the Cycle

The mind is tricky thing,
a little pampering it needs,
too much, it will be confusing,
and too much too long,
we will be lost,
trapped to do things,
over again,
because we cannot go forward.

It's a cycle, what we are doing.
We will do one thing,
all our might, give our best.
For a while, we will be good,
our mind will be there,
going for it.

Until a something comes,
gives us a strike, right on the head,
awakening us,
for the umpteenth time,
making the eyes see, the ears listen,
and then we despair.
we think, is this what we want?
and downward we shall go from there.

we can bluff, we can try,
and oh how we can just ignore,
the sense and the pull,
but the realization, the want, the dream,
will always be there, right in the head,
haunting us, shadowing all our thoughts.

The mind is tricky thing,
a little pampering it needs,
too much, it will be confusing,
and too much too long,
we will be lost,
trapped to do the same things,
over again,
because we cannot go forward,

It's a very vicious cycle,
and i seem to be a rider of this cycle.
all the time.

At a Junction, now..

I am now stuck at a junction. This junction has four roads for me to choose from. Any one of them will determine my future course, and happiness. Time is short, and running. And yet i have to have time to choose.

The first road at this junction, is smooth and wide. The road is however, very winding, with uphills and downhills at almost every 5km. The bright side is that taking this option gives the most exciting, almost romantically surreal view. It's either you like the sweet romance that your mind might be fooled into, or you will feel nauseous after the first 5km. No in between.

For the second road, it's a little foggy at some sections. Visibility is not very good. At times, you might even get slightly off track to the side table of the road. The road is friendly though, with it's smooth surface and ample guide lines to the users. It is wide, accommodating, and quite straight, only peppered with the occasional turns, but that too, smoothly bended for good cruise control.

Third road is the one that i arrived the junction in. It is very straight, too straight at times, until being and using it, potential can cause an excited driver, like myself, to easily loose concentration. In worse case, scenario, like mine, i almost sped away like a crazy track racer after losing concentration. It does not help that the scenery along the road is filled with just trees. Green, shady leafy trees, canopying the road, providing shade for the user. It was this greeny arch, if you could compare it to that, that attracted me to this road. With the straightness of the road, one could almost believed that one has found the path to heaven on earth. But as you advance along the road, one will start to notice, little potholes and bumps that are creeping up along the road. Most are small, and negotiable. Some however, are difficult to avoid. Maintenance and repair works are too slow. I for one, am getting tired going through this path, bumping my head once too often, already.

The final option is a very dark road. Visibility is the poorest, and road condition is the worse. Too many potholes, bumps and foreign objects littered on road. No streetlamps, but the air is fantastically fresh. One cannot help but wonder, what is it that make the air so fresh at such terribly poor quality road. Are there traps laid at each bend to lure the unsuspecting me? It will take courage, super human courage to choose this path.

I am at a junction, now. This junction has four roads for me to choose from. Time is short, and running. And yet i have to have time to choose. Each one beckoning, each one terrifying me, too. To take one is to forgo all the others. I have only one chance.

~ -:- jsb -:- ~

How to fill up the brain?

It's fifteen minutes to seven in the morning, and i'm struggling to swallow my breakfast. The fried rice that i made, is slightly too dry, making it difficult for the rice to go down my throat. I actually had to wash it down with some coffee.

Taste wise, today's isn't that interesting. Too much pepper. And i don't quite fancy the colour, a little pale-ish for my liking. But what the heck, life's about learning, and experimenting, and of course, filling up an empty stomach!

I think it's quite easy for me to fill up my empty stomach. I eat little, am not quite choosy, and i can cook simple dishes. And so, to cook this fried rice for example, it is not a hassle, merely an experiment of say, taste-creation, ingredients matching, methodology, timing, and others.

It is to fill up an empty brain which i despair. I cant seem to do this as easily as others. I look, see, try to observe, listen, give my 1 cents worth, digest, each time i that i could, but seems like i'm still very lacking in expressing my thoughts, creatively, dynamically, logically, and clearly.

So many things will go through my minds, never taking their numbers. They just come, sit there, and mess up the brain. Occasionally, of course, some of them do give me interesting ideas, but always, there is no clear methods to follow up on that.

I want to be like others that i know too, so confident, speak so well and thoughtfully on their subjects, do things very creatively successful, understands others well enough to share their thoughts.

But how may i do that?
How do you practice being that?
How do you practice on doing those to be like that?
So please, someone, if you know how, share with me, on how to fill up my brain..
This little empty brain.
Thank you.

Saying Welcome to NaNoWriMo

I'm been eyeing for this month to come by since last year. It's the NaNoWriMo time of the year again!
So,
Welcome, November;
WELcome, NaNoWriMo,
WELCOME, please, creative juices, i hope!

Actually the first time i found out about this was, if i was not mistaken, about 2 years ago. I was just browsing for some tips on writing, when i came across some article about this event. I'm not sure but i think that it was way pass November that time. Being the lazy being that i am, of course, that was taken as an excuse to NOT to try my hand at it, and the brain conveniently decided to bury that information somewhere in the tiny brain, without any GPS.

Anyhow, last year, by November, i was pretty busy when the month started. It was the clean up month at work for me, as i was serving my one month's notice, and was trying my best to leave as little shit as possible for the replacement guy. After all, i am but trying to be good, in this world.

I was finding all sorts of excuses to NOT to write, i guess, as after that period, i took about a week's break before beginning my now-utterly short stint in a new company. I did the holiday break thing, i did the cleaning up room thing, i did the banking thing, i did the getting sick thing, i did the gathering thing, but not this. Like i said, i think the mentality at that time was to avoid starting it since i had only one free week to spare in November.

So, last November had breezed away, and new November has just greeted me this morning, albeit slightly wet. This time, i shall not skip and let the brain work into overdrive to find excuses.
I want to try to do this, to write, on this NaNoWriMo. It doesn't have to be as long as the adviced length in NaNoWriMo category, as i think that it would be difficult for me to get good creative juices and language capability to work hand in hand this time around.


I just want to have a start. If i could start, i think i could open THE door in me, which has been closed for too long.
So, I hope. Wish me luck, jsb and all.

I will remember you

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

by sarah mclachlan, seamus egan, and dave merenda

note :
i came by this song after such a long time and i guess that it just touched me.
this was posted here, so that i may look on it anytime i wish to.
in dedication to the love i shared, treasures, and remember always.
i will remember you...

never let you go

she looks out,
the rain pours gently,
the breeze, soft but cold,
she shivers.
the way out, she thinks,
what should i do, she wonders,
should she be like the rain now,
gentle, but with no warmth.
again, she reads her letter,
yet again, she reads the last line,
word by word, out loud,
never let you go.
but,
she thought,
i'm already gone,
she smiles,
come for me, she mouths...

Lost

Lost now,
emotions are a like a roller coaster,
going up, going down, stopping, restarting.

Focus's out,
no center point,
no subject.

Want it all, but yet,
can i have it all?
do i deserve to have it all,
all that i want...
but question, what is it that i want?

lost, utterly lost,
now..i hope, only.

e X p a n s i o N

life crosses,
thoughts build,
words spoken,
moments created,
memories cherished,
time moves,
life's expansion.

always...

verse1